People ..

I would characterize people into five kinds, Aloof, Dependant, , Protective, Independent, Co-dependent.
The kinds of people you feel inclined to interact with depends on the type most complementary to yours.

Aloof by definition prefer no interaction. They are in a world of their own and need no external stimuli.
Protectors have a need to feel good about themselves, to protect, to control, to have power and this is a perfect complement for the Dependent. They naturally they gyrate towards one another both reinforcing and fuelling their current life positions.
Independent people hate being chained down and prefer to seeks others of their type. Each free to do as they please, no explanations.
Co-dependent are the next form of independent who can be independent when they need to be but prefer dependence by choice - finding coexistence is far more satisfying due to they synergy of co-existence.

Of times the same person has a different relationship with different people (potentially dependence/protective with parents/kids, independent/co-dependent/aloof at work, codependent with spouse etc.)
With time people evolve, they grow/out-grow various traits and unless their counter part change in a complementary way, people break existing bonds and forge new ones. This is probably how we leave behind old friends and make new ones. As we grow we out-grown the co-dependence on our old friends and the relationship changes to a different flavors which is not so much to our taste.

What makes things more interesting is that within the same two people the relationship may vary with the time and circumstances and that is the mark of a strong bond - it has not one but multi-links. Its when two people can grown/alter/evolve in sync. When I am Independent or Aloof the other lets me just be, when I am Weak the other is there to Protect me and when I want to co-exist so also he/she.

The good, the bad and the terrible

Good manager
You have a right to remain silent but I'd really like to hear your perspective. Nothing that you say will be used against you in anyway.

Bad Manager
You have a right to remain silent and anything that you say will not be heard anyway.

Terrible Manager
You don't have right to remain silent so you better speak up. Anything that you say will most certainly be used against you. It will sliced and diced and coated and quoted.

Energy vs Ennui

Our CEO visited us yesterday, travelling for over 20 hours, reached in the morning, had meeting all through the day and left by the night for another long journey!

Hows that for energy?

I was floored by the all hands meeting and feel good about being where I am.

Well, I digressed, I wanted to talk about Energy levels. I've touched the topic once before, it is something that is very close to me.

http://jainshruti.blogspot.com/2006/06/hyper-vs-high-energy.html

A person will always find it tough not to favor the high-energy person over the dull/sluggish one. Its probably natural, few enjoy having to goad someone into bringing an super idea to fruitation, getting the work done and the like.

The trouble starts when one cannot differentiate between lack of energy and ennui. Oftimes what is mistaken for indolence is simple boredom, a feeling of dissatisfaction arising from lack of interest.

It only takes a crack at this superfial coat of weariness to expose the bright, vernal sapling ready to shoot forth in all its bloom in all its glory. Before long, what was considered as dead is brusting forth with energy and a will to take up the next challenge.

Where does the gardener/manager fit in? in being able to distinguish between the bright, the difficult and the dormant and being able to treat them accordingly. Tend to your bright ones, the difficult ones might require simulation of alien conditions and the dormant ones would require extreme steps including scarification, soaking and stratification to increase the probability of germination.

Leadership : Interesting view point

The topic of class/house leaders turned up recently in a conversation with my kids.

My son was very clear that he does not like being the leader. My daughter on the other hand had an interesting perspective. What she exactly said was :
"I don't like being the leader either but when others are class leaders, I get so irritated that I prefer to be the leader myself even though I really don't like it"

And why just leadership? its true of so many things in life. We aren't always fortunate enough to have a choice between what we like or don't like. Oftentimes life doles out tough options and we are forced to pick one we least dislike.

Word : Minute

Minute has various meaning. These are the entries for minute as per the online dictionary :

min·ute
n. Abbr. min.
1. A unit of time equal to one sixtieth of an hour, or 60 seconds.
2. A unit of angular measurement equal to one sixtieth of a degree, or 60 seconds. Also called minute of arc.
3. A measure of the distance one can cover in a minute: lives ten minutes from school.
4. A short interval of time; moment. See Synonyms at moment.
5. A specific point in time: Stop that this minute!
6. A note or summary covering points to be remembered; a memorandum.
7. minutes An official record of the proceedings of a meeting.
tr.v. min·ut·ed, min·ut·ing, min·utes
To record in a memorandum or the minutes of a meeting.

mi·nute
adj.
1. Exceptionally small; tiny. See Synonyms at small.
2. Beneath notice; insignificant.
3. Characterized by careful scrutiny and close examination: held a minute inspection of the grounds.

When you look at it closely, all are related.

- When someone gives you get a minute-by-minute (ref n. 4) account of an event, you get every minute (ref adj. 1, 3) detail of what happended.
- When you record every minute (ref adj. 1, 3) detail, every minute (ref n. 4) of the dicussion, you get the minutes (ref n. 6) of the meeting.

Another realization..

Its took me more that three decades and a nine year old son mad about Power Rangers to learn my alphabets!

Recently my son asked me the meaning of delta (in the context of Power Rangers) and that had me starting to explain alpha, beta ... and then it suddenly clicked -
alpha, beta => alphabets!

So much for such an obvious etymology that had escaped my notice for so long.

There is a keen difference between instinctive action and impulsive
action.

Impulse is driven by the heart. It signifies what I 'want to do'.
Instinct comes from the spirit. It marks what I 'need to do'.

And not to forget that there is a third variety, the well thought action -
Thought is a creation of the mind, telling me what I 'should do'.

Another perspective

The roads in Bangalore are bad, there is hardly anyone who would contest this (even though lately I have seen some change for the better).

Everyone blames the government and and a whole bunch of civic bodies for not doing enough to rectify the situation. There are places where the road has so many pits that it is a question of which pit to go through rather than which pothole to avoid. I know the kids take the last seat in the bus because they 'love the bouncy ride' - feels like an adventure trip!

<<>>

I have been wondering if (part) culprit for the bad roads are the magnificent trees that line up the road sides. Bangalore promenades are a sight to behold when in full bloom. Is it possible that the beautiful Frangipanis, Gulmohars, Silver Oaks, African Tulips and all else have literally a role to play in all of Bangalore's pitfalls.

Bangalore's soil is rich but very hard to dig through and liable to cracking - trees are unable to establish deep roots. To be able to create a strong foundation in this earth, it is important for the trees grows their roots wide and far rather than deep. A lack of deep tap root would expose the tree to the risk of being uprooted by a strong wind (something we have seen oftimes in Bangalore). Roots spread wide would hold the tree better. As the roots spread they come all the way up to the road, cracking it up!

Bangalore wouldn't been the same without its trees. Not having the trees is not solution to bad roads, maybe laying them differently taking this fact into account is.

Decision Making

When it comes to making the big decisions, there are two distinct methods:

- Practical Choice
Making decisions using complex statistics and probabilities to predict the most likely outcome.
(Common example being - choosing Engineering, Medicine etc as a profession to achieve reasonable success)

- Intuitive Choice
Making decisions based on some unknown black-boxed algorithm/logic that you trust/have found to work but cannot explain even to your own self
(An example could be backing a particular stock even in case of consistent bad performance)

What is common sense?
Choosing how to arrive at the decision. In certain cases, both practical and intuitive choices are identical making the decision making simple. However as is often the case, the two decisions (practical and intuitive) are warring and this is where common sense steps in. It is common sense to consider all possible outcomes, weigh in the benefits/risks of each and arrive at the final decision.

When we reflect back, a common sense decision need not necessarily be the best decision.
The practical decision with an almost certain outcome was just that, almost but not quite!
The gut feel which had proved to be right so often, finally let you down!

People : Standing out vs Blending in

I believe there are two distinct types of people in this world.

The very very 'normal' people (not to be confused with average) - who strive hard their entire life to stand out from the crowd - to make everyone, most importantly their own selves believe they are different and unique.

The other set of people comprises of the 'odd' folks. These are those people who think, act and feel differently from most people around them and continue to struggle their entire lives to belong and blend in and not to be considered weird or different.

Besides these two extremes, there are the in between folks, and of course, there are people who stand out naturally and take pride in it and the people who prefer to and are a part of the crowds and feel comforted in a sense of being away from the spot light.

and again..

.. I've had a weird thought..

Is there any fundamental difference between :

- In my view blah blah blah is true
- In my opinion blah blah blah is true
- I've been thinking blah blah blah is true

Dictionary meanings are as follows:
View: A position from which things are looked at.
Opinion : belief stronger than impression and less strong than positive knowledge
Thinking: A way of reasoning; judgment

I could be wrong but this is what I derive out of this?
A view is obtained from our current position, circumstances, place etc. It is very literally how you see it and is easy to change with time and position. Opinion is a derivation from a views, thoughts, feelings held over a period of time and probably harder to change. Thinking is more cognitive in nature and based on logic and reason.

Mixed feelings..

Recently my company took all the 'ladies' to a one day conference
organized to (presumably) help them live their lives better, balance
work-life and the like.

A good initiative no doubt, it was done with the right intentions, spending a lot of time, effort and money in organizing the whole stuff in such a big way; but for various reasons I seem to have mixed feeling about it.

- I have never felt discriminated against at work, NEVER. I feel giving the women a day off, taking them to a 5 star hotel etc etc is in fact a reverse form of discrimination.

- All discrimination usually happen outside of the workplace - at home, in the family, on the streets, most certainly the movies, fix these if you can.

- It would be so appropriate to hold these sessions for the 'family', parents, in-laws and sensitize them to the fact that the women put as much (if not more) effort in their workplaces, as much as their sons so why not spare them some of the chores or encourage their sons to contribute some more.

- Another good way to change the whole setup would be to take all the 'managers' and sensitize/evaluate them so that they do not create a culture of discrimination - everything at the workplace flows from there. All the policies and good intentions come to a naught with a 'poor' manager.

- Maybe there is some merit in helping the women live better in the current situation; till the time bigger, broader, more permanent changes can happen.. somehow I didn't feel I wanted to be a part of it.

The good part of the whole exercise, I was (very appropriately) missed in the 'ladies' emailing list and got a good excuse to escape ... I have always felt that a 'lady' is an euphemism and glorification for renunciation of all the fun things in life. You are expected to conform to a particular way of speaking, walking, eating, dressing, living and need give up on most of the fun things ...

Familiarity vs Distance

Often people quote :
- "Familiarity breeds contempt"
- "Distance make the heart grow fonder"

What I have noticed in practice is that, initially you do miss a person, but with time, you learn to live on your own and there comes a time when you actually prefer it!

Once the person is back, you resent not being able to 'do your thing'

On the other end, the more you get to know a person, the more you are able to appreciate them, quite the opposite of contempt!

Does your car conform to the standard?

Check out the degree to which your car conforms to or deviates from the typical Indian car -

Q1. Does it have something hanging from the rear-view mirror?
If you running out of ideas, popular candidates are, teddies, bunnies, CDs, toys, beads/garlands, air freshner - particularly the leaf pattern, Chinese Feng Shui stuff, flowers - both fresh and artificial, piece of cloth (especially the holy ones), crystal...

Q2. Does it have a box of tissues?
Ideally an ornamental box sitting in the back.

Q3. Does it have God or some other 'holy stuff' sitting in the middle of the front deck/dashboard?
Plently of choices here too, could be an idol, a cross, you get the picture I am sure. If you want to go beyond the ordinary, you could offer flowers, agarbattis and what not.

Q4. Does it have an air freshner bottle on the front left?
Minor deviations are possible on the position and type.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

No I am not talking about the movie. I am talking about managers.

I had noticed some absolutely wonderful managers having totally terrible managers report to them. I often wondered why do these seemingly perfect managers hire/tolerate these horrible managers, can't they train them to be better? be more sensitive? can't they get rid of them in the very least before they lose the whole team?

It suddenly occurs to me that maybe there is a purpose to it?
Is it possible that the reason is as simple as - 'Good managers don't want to (either consciously or otherwise) get rid of the 'Bad managers. Could it be that they are - knowingly or unknowingly playing Good cop, Bad cop with the team. One relentlessly pushes the team and makes them work by coercion and the other being the popular one make them work due to a personal rapport. Is it possible that the 'Good' manager is actually keeping the 'Bad' manager to do his dirty job.

Strangers : Therapy - II

Striking a conversation with strangers is never easy. It feels kind of odd, you never know how the other person is taking it, then of course there is the issue of invading someone Else's space, privacy, zone. Any attempts to conversation run the risk of being blown off in no time.

And yet, once is a while comes a stranger who you can talk to you. The complex shortlisting of "The Stranger" is an unexplained phenomena, an obscure inexact science (or is it an art?). Part I guess is the instincts figuring out in the sub conscious that a person is 'your type'. the other of course is the body language, the moods, state of mind, circumstances, life situation, etc. Once you talk, you get a glimpse into the other person which at times compels you to dig deeper.

A stranger, bright enough to understand, a good conversationalist, attentive and appreciative of what you say - and most critically if you can trust the person - A deep long conversation with such a person can be an healing experience - an amazing form of Therapy. With such a rare person, you can talk and be your true self - without the fear of being judged, better still, figure out what is your true self, that which has been tarnished by the constant grease paint and role play in life, roles and relationships.

Its not that we can't talk to people who we love, admire and are close to, our friends, family, role models. Of course we do talk to them, have deep meaningful conversations with them, learn, relax and grow in the process. However with all relationships, there is an inherent sense of expectation, not so much as to do something or live up to something - but more like a mental map of yourself in the other person's mind and usually you end you reinforcing that image and etching it deeper. The image is not bad per say but can be stifling when you want to explore other facets of self. You don't how the other person will react if they see something that they are not accustomed to, hear something that they don't associate with you, experience something about you which was never a part of the possibilities in their opinion. The reaction can range from a wow!, to a disappointment or a sense of let down! You can't always risk it.

Enter the stranger - there is no prior association. There are no expectations to fulfill, no roles to play, no images to sustain, no fear of disapproval, no sense of duty. You can simply bounce ideas without the fear of sticking it in. You end up vocalizing some of your innermost thoughts and feelings, frequently surprising your yourself in the process. Oftentimes, the surprise is due to the fact that the thoughts had been hidden even from your own self and you never realized they existed!

Over a period of time, as you interact, the stranger fades away away and you gain a friend and ...

Gossip : Therapy - I

As a part of a recent training, the instructor was pointing about the importance of being loyal - specially to a person when he/she is not around. This essentially boils down to 'Not Gossiping'. During the course of the ensuing discussion, a very bright person mentioned that 'Gossiping was Therapeutic' - felt that it is relaxing to talk about what's going on (or not going on) between Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai .. so on and so forth.

The statement stuck me a blasphemous to begin with, I was shocked, after all how can you make a statement like that! Yet, is there some merit in this? Is gossip really a therapy? If not, why is so widespread? Most of the popular printed matter would fall in this category, TV? why yes.

Gossip can be very damaging to a relationship, it is unhealthy, its sick, there are no arguments there - we all know it, but why it is so rampant?

- To begin with, most people gossip about someone unconnected like the 'stars'. Its a low risk topic to bond/talk with friends/acquaintances/colleagues/strangers - low risk in the sense that its a third person we are talking about, neither you nor me! Especially so if the third person is so remote or unconnected to our daily lives like the movie stars.

- If I 'gossip' I don't have to 'expose' my real self. I can continue with this artificial talk and yet have no (real) conversation at the end of it.

- To talk about the short-comings of others gives a (short-lived and false) sense of high by comparison. Oh the virtuous me! - I would never do such a things ... kind of feeling.

- Can't be held accountable for what is said - after all its gossip! Someone told me .. I read somewhere .. I found out .. inevitably it is something you can not trace.

- Makes the person with the gossip feel better cooler ... I know something that you don't.

- Living a life by proxy, a vicarious experience of the forbidden or all that is aspirational. What we can't do, want to do, we talk about through others who have done it or can do it.

- Above all, gossip is a 'Total Time-Pass'. You can sit and idle our the time without too much effort on your grey cells

Mooving with the times

Is it a coincidence? Is is by choice? Is it by expectations? Is it by nurturing? Is it how it is?

... that in the Moov ad,

When the husband is shown to be having a back pain, the wife is depicted giving him a nice rub.

When the wife is tossing and turning with a back pain, the husband is sleeping peacefully. The wife gets up, puts on Moov and goes back to sleep. It occurs neither to the wife to wake up the husband nor to the husband to help the wife!

Isn't it time that we move ahead. It is true that at times we depict the way things are, but it is also true what we depicts goes into feeding the way it should be.

Time to move on ...

Words and Characters

Words reveal a lot about a person, the written words even more so.
In this age of the email communications, I guess its got more to do with characters than words. So very literally each character you use (or skip), ends up reflecting your own character :)

What I have observed that people who tend to use acronyms (FYI, BTW, TC, CU, v.good, :) etc. )extensively are more likely to be of the 'Minimalistic' types as opposed to the 'Elaborate' kinds who tend to write full bodied mails.

Relationships..

In a relationship :

You have authority when you can demand someone do something for you. Authority could be due to your position, control, circumstances, anything.

Trust is when you can ask and you know that the person would most certainly comply as long as it is possible and reasonable

Request is when things are tentative; trust is building up but not at the stage where you inherently know that the persons would probably do your bidding, but then could as likely be proven wrong, or the manner in which the stuff is done would ensure that you don’t ask again.


The relationship could be at different stages for different stuff between the same two people -
(Most) wives can -
- demand that the husbands do all the driving,
- trust the husbands to take care of them
- request that husbands cook at times

1986

The year was 1986; I was in my 10th grade and we had a chapter in history about Max Muller, Aryans and the origin or languages. It impressed me greatly to think that all the languages might probably have a single origin and someone had painstakingly researched it. Was is a coincidence that most languages have a similar sounding word for 'Mother', Mata, Mather ...? It fascinated me for all these years as how different people, far of places are all tied by some ancient history of the spoken words. I would consciously or otherwise try to find similarity in words of different languages and feel ecstatic each time I was successful.

Today after 20+ years of letting the thought languor in the backyards of my mind, I decided to study it further. As always, I googled - 'Max Muller origin of languages'

I wasn't prepared for what I got. From the little I read and researched, I can't seem to hold Max Muller in very high regards anymore.

I finally figured it out ..

Figured out the difference.

I have come to believe that predominantly there are two types of people and by extension work places. The first kind are those that are organized, hard working, disciplined, planned and taking work and everything seriously. In the MBTI lingo they might be frames as the 'J' Types. The other are the starkly differently 'P' types, the seemingly chaotic, disorganized, go-with-the-flow types, working at odd-times, having no predictable schedule or delivery and yet, they are often the very brightest and driven by passion for what they are doing.

I guess it is no coincidences that creative companies have more of the latter types. Companies (like my ex-company) that favor the 'P' type are more likely to come up with the next-big-idea - something so totally cool. And yet terrible though it may sound, it is the 'J' type companies that seem to have the discipline to be able to monetize an idea, irrespective of whether the idea what theirs or not in the first place. They are planned and disciplined enough to take the idea to fruitation, predictable enough for the customers to be able to trust them.

The 'P' types are more likely to discover and start to the new place, however, on the way, they are distracted by tons of stuff and often the 'J' types overtake them and beat them to it.

This is the single biggest difference I have seen in my last two companies, one is inherently 'cooler' and the other more 'profitable'

A taste for the wierd

After a period of hibernation and fasting, my thoughts buds are again in action, confirming my doubt about their taste for the wierd.

Why is an easy, fun task called a 'Cake Walk'?
Walking on a mushy, slippery, gooey, spongy, soft, creamy, sticky, icky, sweet cake can neither be easy, nor fun and most certainly a waste of both the cake and the effort of walking; not to forget the mess that is left behind to clean!

Virtualization : God and Humans - part II

My last entry was an analogy on God and Human with Computers
http://jainshruti.blogspot.com/2006/09/god-and-humans.html

I thought, I blogged and I thought I was done. But as usual I was wrong.
A friend of mine send me a comment and had me - what else, but Thinking!

This is what he said :
" Now what happens when we introduce concept of virtualization. now we have many virtual gods that confuses the hell out of humans :-) "


So what about Virtualization? How does it change things? Does it really change things?

Virtualization does not change the intrinsic capability of the machine, it has still the same type and number of CPUs, the same the same horse power, so in a way nothing changes.

What changes however is that the user has the ability to choose the the OS, and not just that, the user can choose how many OS there are at any point of time. He can choose to have guest OSes, use one OS for one particular feature and put another to a completely different use. He can play around as per his wish, needs, habit, training, upbringing, convenience, whims, fancy, belief, bias, circumstances, ease-of-use whatever we call it.

It isn't too much different when it comes to the God/Human analogy? Why do we have so many Gods, so many Saints, God Men, Angels, and the like. Just like we have strong opinions about different OSes, each of the Gods has a particular aspect that appeals to us and we worship that, oftentimes we have more than one God/Saint that we believe in. We pray/call either or many, knowing in our heart that God is one.

At times, our belief in 'Our God' is so strong that we argue till no end about which God/OS is more appropriate, totally forgetting that it is all 'virtual'

As a parting thought? What about the Atheists?
I suppose they are the no frills people who prefer to work without an OS, let alone Virtualization!

God and Humans

Another of those really weird thoughts that occasionally hit my mind -

All religions and the like insist that God is within us all and eventually we are one with ‘Him’. The greeting ‘Namaskar’ itself means that I salute the God with you, a reiteration of the thought that God resides deep inside us.

Well, the analogy the this conjures is that of a computer.
- God is the Super User, operating in the Kernel Mode
- Man a mere user, operating in the User Mode

The mode in which God operates gives ‘Him’ the Infinite privileges to do anything, anytime
The User modes gives us only finite privileges and we need to share the resources with multitude of other similar users like us. We can be preempted, de-scheduled or logged out at any point of time. We have access to only a slice of the time-share, all the other time we are in a state of perpetual wait-event.

Just like God and Us are one and yet so different, so also the Super User/Normal User a part of the same Operating environment, using the same CPU to power themselves, composed of the same sets of machine instructions and yet so different in what they can do.

A parting thought..
Why restrict the analogy to God and Humans, couldn't the other life forms be represented by scripts, applications, cron jobs, daemons and shells in the analogy?

So many thoughts

So much to write about, thoughts are flitting in my head and making me dizzy. I would love to write, think, analyze and compartmentalize (not necessarily in that order) and it frustrates me to not be able to do that with the limitations of time.

Just jotting them down so that I can revisit them when I have time and if they are still have a hold on my head.

Here goes,

- Why this cyncism on my part about 'Self Help' courses and books? partly because they attempt to provide quick fixes or ideal recipes for how to live and lead your life - and that too with so scope for variations and disagreements

- Also because I am inherently sceptical about stuff that is too popular and sold very well - and that's what '7 Habits of Highly Effective People' is.
And when you think of it, there is inherently nothing in this course that you dont already know, even though I have to agree that a couple of analogies are good. This is a good case study for packaging (old wine in new bottle) and marketing

- How is emotional bank account analogy (courtesy 7 Habits of Steven Covey) different or similar to the strokes or Transactional Analysis

- Emotional account analogy and the concept of why a deposit is not really so until the other party agrees it is so

- MBTI vs 7 Habits, is there an implication that some types are more 'effective' than others? I see myself clenching my teeth and feel strongly against this kind of generalization.

.. more to come

Work, Life ... Balance!

At one point of time I had given thought to the idea of work-life balance and how much all the companies and HR talk about it.

It sounded absurd to me. How can the company provide or help provide a work-life balance to a person because it is ONLY THAT EXACT PERSON who knows the EXACT POINT at that particular point in time where things balance!

Just like a scale on a pivot where -
- different weights against an object balance at different points on the scale
and,
- different things at the same place need different weights to balance

so also people.

Where does my balance in life lie depends on my capabilities, my aspirations, my ambitions, my life position, my support system and a million other things.

Thankfully its not hard to achieve even though its sounds hard.

Now coming to the point of why I believe HR has no role to play in it.
Why because I get rewarded accordingly to the amount of effort that I put and the extent of output that I produce for my work. The more I work, the more I get rewarded. The more I give of myself to my work, the less I have of myself for everything else. I need to myself figure out what works for me. How does HR (or anybody else for that matter) decide which is the right amount of myself give where?

Last but not the least, the more give of myself to work, the less I have of myself for everything less but not necessarily less of life. If work is important to me, and work is my life, the more I put myself into my work, the more I have of life and that is perfect balance too!

A bolt from the blue!

Sometimes simple concepts strike you with a violent force of realization and leave you stunned. It so happened today that I was interacting with a friend of mine and we discussed how men like planning things, being in control and having an action/activity packed holidays where women in general would prefer a lazy, unplanned, go-with-the-flow kind of time. There are exceptions ofcourse but .. well, maybe I should replace 'men' and 'women' with a neutral some people to save getting distracted into men vs women theories.

Well the core of the issue is that it made me think of how I am an extreme 'P' type person rather than a 'J' type person and that is when it sudden bound on me that :
The MBTI types are just as valid for companies as they are for people!

Lets me first expand the MBTI Type dichotomies for a quick refresh (copied from Wikipedia)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator

The preferences

Dichotomies
Extroversion - Introversion
Sensing - iNtuition
Thinking - Feeling
Judging - Perceiving

The terms Introvert and Extrovert are referred to as attitudes and show how a person orients and receives their energy. In the extroverted attitude the energy flow is outward, and the preferred focus is on other people and things, whereas in the introverted attitude the energy flow is inward, and the preferred focus is on one's own thoughts and ideas.

Sensing and Intuition are the perceiving functions. They indicate how a person prefers to receive data. These are the nonrational functions, as a person does not necessarily have control over receiving data, but only how to process it once they have it. Sensing prefers to receive data primarily from the five senses, and intuition prefers to receive data from the subconscious, or seeing relationships via insights.

Thinking and Feeling are the judging functions. They both strive to make rational judgments and decisions using the data received from their perceiving functions, above. Thinking uses logical "true or false, if-then" connections. Feeling uses "more or less, better-worse" evaluations. When Thinking or Feeling is extroverted, judgments tend to rely on external sources and the generally accepted rules and procedures. When introverted, Thinking and Feeling judgments tend to be subjective, relying on internally generated ideas for logical organization and evaluation.

Judging and Perceiving reveals the specific attitudes of the functions. In J-types, the preferred judging function (T or F) is extroverted (displayed in the outer world). J-types tend to prefer a step-by-step (left brain: parts to whole) approach to life, relying on external rules and procedures, and preferring quick closure. The preferred perceiving function (S or N) is introverted. On the other hand, in P-types the preferred perceiving function is extroverted, and the preferred judging function is introverted. This can result in a "bouncing around" approach to life (right brain: whole to parts), relying on subjective judgments, and a desire to leave all options open. (The terminology may be misleading for some—the term "Judging" does not imply "judgmental," and "Perceiving" does not imply "perceptive.)

So what's so cool about extending the personality types to companies? Nothing, except that I hadn't thought about it before and the simplicity and the aptness of the concept left me dazed. It might be the most normal of 'theories' but with my limited experience in thinking hadn't taken me to this place just yet and when I did reach here, unplanned, I was amazed at the simplicity and beauty of the whole thing. Just like we apply all these 'psychological' theories in finding out compatibility issues, working styles etc for people, why not companies and people, or companies and companies. They would be so useful in finding constraints of a newly hired employee or sorting out the rough edges during merger of two differently cultured companies. Wow! The potential is mind boggling!

Will continue this theory in my next post..

Kinds of blogs

I have been taking a peek at (quite a) few blogs and like most other things in life, It am trying to compartmentalize and label them with the objective of trying to figure out where I stand.

The labels so far :

- The techy's talk
The blogs which explain some of the finer details of a some particularly obtuse and cool technology making it in the process, cooler but hopefully much less obtuse.

- Autobiographies in the making
Broadcast about the noteworthy (and at times totally forget-worthy) happenings in the life of writer.

- New Channels
Regular updates in all that is happening (or not happening) in the environment. A personal news reporting and commentary channel.

- Writer's Blog (often block)
Rusty and wannabe writer needing and getting practice at the cost of willing audience. Oftimes amidst the thorns springs a lively rose.

- Raving Rants
Space and avenue for all the vent up and pent up frustations in the life of the writer - a web punching bag. The web gladly provides willing ears for chronic cribbers and thankfully saving the real live people.

- Food for thought
Musings that provoke thinking, catalyze ideas, provoke passions and crystallize thoughts. Oftentimes the thoughts are stale, the idea stink and passions inspid.

- Sticky notes for random ideas
Place to capture some passing brain dumps and seemingly cools ideas to be analyzed and often trashed in future

Where do I fall? Mostly the last I should guess though once in a while it spills over to a few others.

Neutral view point!

Its silly how sometimes a small thought or statement can take control of your mind. Its so happened that a two days back someone talked about someone having a 'neutral view point' - and ever since, I have this deamon (- maybe I should call it a demon)process running at the back of my mind, not taking too much of processing but now and then, it interferes with my other thoughts.

So here it goes,

Is there anything like a 'neutral point of view'. I understand there can be two potentially extreme views on a subject and something mid-way between these can warrant being call the neutral view point. But then, as soon as you hold a view, just any view, on an extreme or midway, there is bound to be an antithesis - an exact opposite of that view - which immediately means the view is not neutral anymore. Neutral, midway, extreme, they are just relative to where you are, what is neutral to you might not be so for someone else, and what is seemingly an extreme, is actually a baseline for another.

All about Authority!

A question of command and authority

Often I have reflected about authority, respect, influence and the way we mould events in and around our lives. There is a very thin faded line to distinguish between them; often one is mistaken for the other. Its hard to say what we influence, what we command and the way others look up (or down) on us.

This how the online free dictionary defines "authority"

1.
a. The power to enforce laws, exact obedience, command, determine, or judge.
b. One that is invested with this power, especially a government or body of government officials.
2. Power assigned to another; authorization:
3. A public agency or corporation with administrative powers in a specified field:
4.
a. An accepted source of expert information or advice:
b. A quotation or citation from such a source:
5. Justification; grounds:
6. A conclusive statement or decision that may be taken as a guide or precedent.
7. Power to influence or persuade resulting from knowledge or experience:
8. Confidence derived from experience or practice; firm self-assurance:

All this eventually boils down to POWER. The power to make decisions, the power to change events, the power to enforce, the power to control, the power to influence, the power...

What exactly is power? It manifest itself in many ways -

Physical Force
It takes form of brute power of a beast to the more subtle control of the beauty to the torture of a bully and everything in between.

The Weight of Titles, Name, Place, Position, Possession
What you are, Who you are, What you do, all the responsibility that we take on our way brings alongside its companion authority and command.

The Power of Knowledge
An expert has a strong influence, and needless to say, also the last word!
Its raw power to know more than others, to know what you are not suppoknowinge knowning.

Spiritual/Mental Control
It could be the control someone has to either imprison or release us from us, our thoughts or what are thoughts make us to be.

Emotional Leverage
The power some people have in the way they treat us and make us feel, from the lowest dumps of being unwanted and trashed to making us the epicenter of their universe.

Moral Authority
This is the hardest to explain and probably the subtlest and strongest of all controls and influences. Some people influence you for what they are, for what they embody. They hold control because you want to emulate them, you want to please them and end us being willing puppets in their hands.

Each is independent in a sense - neither a pre-requisite to another, none a logical consequence of anything else. And yet, it doesnÂ’t take too much of thinking to see that these demarcated factors frequently overlap, influence, in-fight and stay in a constant state of chaotic coexistence.

What kind of power we need to succeed in various rolesthat we play,

- We all need some measure of 'physical' control to survive
- As a team member we are valued for our 'knowhow'
- As family member we need to emotional currency
- Society requires of us a certain name and position and ofcourse contribution to the spiritual well being of all
- To be good leaders we need a mix of all - but most critically the 'Moral Authority"
Not the self acquired variety, but one that is thrust upon us and it is in us to shoulder
-

What do I blog?

Why do I blog? This is a question that has been lurking on the outskirts of my mind for a while now. Why, why, why it tries to enter and each time I push it back. Well today being a lazy long holiday I decided to finally decide to let the question gather a foothold and come on in. It still wasn't invited but I did not push it out like a poor beggar - come to disturb my peace.

I made a deal - I will put forth all possible reasons and not try too hard to figure out which of these were valid for me.

So here it goes :

- Vanity, to show off that I can think and write - not well all the time but sometimes :-)
- Recommendation, someone strongly recommended that I should take up writing, not professional writing but write seriously, what better place than to start with a blog
- Expression, there are times when I have an idea and I am bursting to share it with others, and yet, doing it overtly sounds weird; this is more subtle, people can read when they want to without any pressure on my end. And yet, there are <5 people who know of the existence of my page!
- Vent, this is possibly a vent for all the strong feelings that overcome me at times
- Musings, thinking makes make write, and to write I need to think and sort out my thoughts, which often helps bring clarity to them
- Sharing, haven't done it enough yet, but it would probably help me connect with others out there
- It's cool, not really sure its still true!
- Everyone is doing it, that was never a motivation for me, not sure if it is now
- Understanding, as with most people, few people understand me, this is probably a way to help people take a peek inside the chaos that is my mind

All too mixed up!

There are so many feelings in life, at times it is hard to understand why one feels attracted to someone.

Attraction could be driven by many factors,
- instincts, - mind, - body, - harmones, - conditioning, - physical deprivation or excesses, and even things like plan habit!

The most basic is driven by lust, the physical form of attraction. The next level takes the form of a performance wherein you get attracted to a person for their personality, their presence, their energy, the aura which envelopes them and you can scarcely keep your eyes off the show. Often there is attraction towards a person because you want to study them, they make a fancy subject, an interesting specimen that is both rare and fascinating. Next is the attraction for the voyeur in us, we live our lives vicariously thru them and it attracts us to religiously follow the journey of our reflected self. Attraction could be there for the 'stars' who represent our dreams, the perfect lives, the perfect beings, life as we would like it to be. Then ofcourse, the plain ol' friendship is attractive too, we share, our lives, our selves and that makes our lives and the people attractive. How can I forget the attraction for the direct opposite of all that we are not. Not having something makes us yearn for it and as a result so many more attractive. Attraction could also be as a result of pity and empathy. It could be because someone helps us understand who we are, helps us grow and lead a more complete life. Just as opposites attract, so also identicals, just because this means there are no differences, no jarring issues.

Beyond all these attractions is an instinctive connection. The spiritual connect. Why? Because the life motive, the drive is the same, the soul resonate together and this harmony of the souls brings them together like no other connection ever can.

Out of comfort zone

What is a comfort zone?

This is how wikipedia defines it :

Comfort Zone is the term used to denote a type of mental conditioning resulting in artificially created mental boundaries, within which an individual derives a sense of security.

A person tries to cling to the comfort zone and its sense of security, for outside lies the fear of the unknown and the undefined.

As we grow older, we lose our agility and adaptability, we become rigid in our thoughts and deeds. Social prejudices and conditioning, increasing responsibilities and decreasing risk taking force us to continually narrow our comfort zones to the extend that we stop evolving and growing altogether. This because evolution is a process of stretching yourself beyond the known, beyond what is safe, trying out something new, experimenting with life itself. Chaos is to be feared and yet, it is the same turmoil that is the mother of evolution.

Why am I writing all this?
Why? Because I am out of my comfort zone, very far from it. A new job, a new domain, new technology, new house, a new setup, a new team, a new boss, new colleague, friendless in an alien place. There is nothing to cling to. I must either evolve or perish and the way it stand it the latter is more likely. Not a very pleasing thought after the reasonable success that had covered my in its comforting shell for the past few years. It is hard to leave all the warmth of the past and present and look to a possibly cold future.

Do I regret?
No, an emphatic NO. Why? Because this is the only way I an ensure that I am in touch with reality. For all I know the security blanket which was covering me might have worn thin, I need to knit a fresh one that will sustain, even at the cost of spending this winter in the cold, know that I might not even last this winter to enjoy the new blanket that I am knitting, and worst of all, not knowing if I know how to knit :-)

Well, let me know back to knitting ... But .. What if it turns out to be summer rather than winter? And the blanket turns out to be a burden rather than a comfort? What if the old blanket is better than the one I am making.

No point dwelling on these issues, too late for that.
Not waiting for the final outcome, I need to enjoy the journey itself. So au revoir.. Catch up with you at the other end.

So far and no further...

And here I reach the end of my road .. need to travel some explored paths.
I will miss all the familiarly and loved paths and peoples.
A chapter ends and a new one opens up ... Time to change gears, drive right in.

Belonging vs Standing apart

A friend recently read my blog and commented about how one of my very old favorite books was missing my list of all time favorite books. I gave a simple answer that I have outgrown the book and that was the end of the matter. And yet, it wasn't as simple as that. Back of my mind I was still searching as to why such an important book was missing. Was it really outgrowing in the sense that those concepts that moved me at a certain age/time/place no longer have the same effect or is it that they provided a certain need and I have no longer that need.

Once thought that keeps bothering me is that maybe I never did not enjoy the book as much as I 'thought' I did. Perchance, I psyched myself into believing this since it was the 'IN' thing to do. I had a need to belong to an exclusive club and these books were a visa/passport. Over the past decade or more, my needs have changed from belonging to standing apart, differentiating myself and its like a visa to a club that I have knowingly not renewed because I don't care to go there/belong anymore.

I would hate to think of myself a hypocrite. And maybe I am not, maybe I have forgotten the impact of these books from so long ago, I should read and reevaluate my impressions.

Phaedrus Speak : Mirrors

Lila : An Inquiry into Morals:


It's like a hall of mirrors at a carnival where some mirrors distort you one way and some distort you another.

(There could be different mirror reflections at the same time from different people : A moral degenerate, a tedious old nerd, heroic)

Each person you come to is a different mirror. And since you are just another person like them maybe you're just another mirror too, and there's no way of ever knowing whether your own view of yourself is just another distortion. Maybe all you ever see is reflections. Maybe mirrors are all you ever get. First the mirrors of your parents, then friends and teachers, then bosses and officials, priests and ministers and maybe writers and painters too. That's their job too, holding up mirrors.

But what controls all these mirrors is culture: the Giant, the gods; and if you afoul of the culture it will start throwing up reflections that try to destroy you, or it will withdraw the mirrors and try to destroy you that way. Celebrity is like some sort of narcosis of mirrors where you have to more and more supportive reflections just to stay satisfied. The mirrors take control of your life and soon you don't know who you are. The culture controls you and when it takes away your mirrors and the public forgets you the withdrawal symptoms start to appear.

Lila : Nuture vs Nature

For as long as I can remember, I have had heated interesting discussions about Men vs Women and often by extension Nuture vs Nature aka Instinct vs Conditioning.

Each time the discussion is heated, interesting and yields no result. There was a time I could really get worked up on these issues but lately when I get into these discussion I sit, think and observe without overt participation.

Lila : has give my thoughts fodder to think about this phenomenon is a new light. Nature vs Nature is nothing but Biology vs Society. Given the layered hierarchy of :
Inorganic < Biology < Society < Intellect, it is a moral thing to do, not just considering the codes of societal conduct but in an evolutionary sense. Of course, Lila is no Bible but it sure does strike a chord of understanding. Inspite of being a rather dry book with thin storyline, I am loathe to putting it down/

Lila : An inquiry into morals : Robert Pirsig

Just started this book, looks promising. A few experts from the book.

A good analogy from the book :

There's an old analogy to a cup of tea.
If you want to drink new tea, you have to get rid of the old tea that's in your cup, otherwise your cup just overflows and you get a wet mess. Your head is like a cup. IT has limited capacity and if you want to learn something about the world you shuold keep your head empty in order to lear it. It is very easy to spend you whole life swishing old tea around in your cup thinking it's great stuff because you never really tried anything new, because you could never get it in, because the old stuff prevented its enty because, you were so sure the old stuff was so good, because you never really tried anything new ... on and on in a circular pattern.


but the ale was helping. It obliterated the differences. Enough ale and everything got reduced to pure biology where it belonged.

Slotting machines

People are slotting machines of everything and everyone, I as much, if not more than others.
They brand, this is moral - that is evil, such and such is good - flip side bad, so on and so forth, the list is long, I see no end.

And yet when I think of it, is really so easy to give a verdict?

We slot people, places, events and behave as we are conditioned to feel for that slot. There are times when we feel perplexed because our instinctive feelings do not agree with the conditioned feelings.

It is fair to slot? There are people who we think of as friends and yet, we hesitate to share, there are those in the family with whom we do not bond, there are peers and yet we are not equals.

And once in a while comes a stranger who can completely trust, a person who is not a friend but with them you share not just feelings and facts but also instincts, not a family but there is a connection that you cannot trace, there is no reason and yet you stay in touch, you understand completely and yet without trying, someone who is fascinating but not a 'specimen', someone you know, but don't know at all, someone who is your guide except that you don't know where it is leading to, who is your psychologist but no shrink! A normal person, but how normal is that?
How would you slot this?

On a parting note, its hard to trust strangers but easiest to share with strangers who you trust; for with a stranger there is no fear of being judged or slotted or canned and labeled.

When past and present blend

There are times when you desire somethings from the core of your existence. Every pore wishes for that one thing. It seems that your innards will sear with the intensity and they do. Time heals the wounds - the gentle balm, but the scars remain. With years, they either fade or you forget that they are scars rather than an integral part of you. There seems no distinction.

And then it happens, one not-so-fine day you get than one thing that you had hoped and prayed for with your whole being all those years ago. You realize, it doesn't bring joy any more. After all these years, the need it gone and it just reminds you of the opportunities lost, the bitter tears and the pain in all its intensity flows back in once more.

Employees and cars

I have often thought about myself with the analogy of a car - calling myself 'high maintenance'. Actually this analogy is not very off-track. Fits rather well with most people and bosses. Just like certain cars go with certain personalities, so also the pairing of bosses and their reports. And just like the family has some say in the car you take in, so also the team. And its not just the boss and the team that help decide what kind of employee should be inducted, it also depends on the nature of the job and the company culture.

Let me try to enumerate the possible car type and their personality counterparts to see if this analogy flies ..

1) The vintage collection : Antique value, unique personality, very high maintenance, feels good but limited utility. OK to inherit - but not to buy
- employees who TALK about values and a lot of 'gyan' and how things should be etc. etc. Feels good to have, probably need a few in the team to train others?? but at the end of the day, the value far outweighs utility. The are prohibitively expensive, slow, crib a lot but well known personalities - looked up on from the outside

2) The family SUV : Adaptable - can fit into many different roles and functions, very high utility, some maintenance, generic personality
- the dependable employee who isn't the star but you go to for all those odd jobs that other are either not capable of or not willing to do, not too demanding,

3) The sleek sports car : your prized possession, very very high maintenance, to be used carefully, but what the speed, drive and acceleration is unmatched, a real treat, expensive and rare. Best to use for special occasion lest you run it down
- the star employee, highly specialized, difficult to manage but what he brings to the table is both rare and valuable

4) The economy small car : you need one to run errands, no maintenance, high few efficiency, no personality
- these are the mediocre employees in the team, you use them to execute tasks, little personality, lots of utility, easy management

5) All terrain vehicle - 4 wheel drive : High fuel consumption, low maintenance, but necessary for bad weather and difficult terrain where none of the other cars can do
- you trouble shooter, you can send to fix any problem

6) The problem car : breaks down all the time, at the wrong time, spend most of the time under servicing in the garage, you'd love to dispose of this but cant. Terribly high maintenance with negative utility.
- the bane of every manager - PIP candidates, either for work or attitude or both


The above five are the most extremely examples, just as there are cars of all shapes, sizes, colors and values, so also people, sometimes a mix of one or more above. The same person behaves differently is different situations just as the car behave differently in different terrains.

I guess it is important for every person to figure out their personality type and see where they fit into the team. If their role and personalities match. For example if I have the personality of a sleek sports car - requiring constant attention and expensive maintenance and yet at the same time I do not bring the cherished value to the team, I am a poor fit. I need to move on to a place where my unique abilities are prized so that the high maintenance can be afforded.

What should a team composition be?
I guess depends on the work, the skills required for the work and company culture and philosophy.
If the work is normal routine job, its best to fill it with small compact car personalities - low maintenance plus easy execution
If the work is rocket science - then ofcourse you need to go for the sports cars, irrespective of the maintenance costs because what you need cannot be filled with anything else.
Service industry would need mostly SUVs where one size fits all - probably augmented by a few 'sport car' specialists.
For most product companies I guess a combination of a one or two sports cars, a couple of SUVs and bulk of small and mid size cars should do the trick.

Where does the manager fit in?
The manager is like the person in charge of the upkeep of the cars. They decide which car goes where - who does what. If they send the sports car to rocky mountains, the car and the journey will both be a disaster. They decide how much investment in terms of servicing to invest, which cars to disinvest. They decide, which fuel to fill in each car, the sports car needs 'premium' the small economy car doesn't. They decide which brand of car to get on board, what are the gaps and what cars to fill them. One wrong decision and ...

Tangible vs Intangible?

Can an person:
- Have a tangible work and office
- Have a tangible decent amount of salary deposited in his account

And still claim to be doing lots of intangible work? Continuously? For long period of time?

I guess this is a tangible benefit of working in a big company!

Wow!

The Beatles Principles...

Interesting read, important read. Makes me feel good that though I am a generalist, I have my uses :)

Business advice from The Beatles
Interesting article from Andrew Sobel about business + strategy with four lessons about teamwork and creativity. Selected quotes below...

“Eight Days a Week” Beatles Principle Number 1: Invest in and build face time between team members long before they are required to appear together.

“Getting Better” Beatles Principle Number 2: Evolve your “songs” and bring the same level of ideas, new perspectives, excitement, and enthusiasm to your hundredth meeting with a client that you brought to the first.

“With a Little Help from My Friends” Beatles Principle Number 3: Help team members become brands-within-a-brand by giving them a song — an idea or proposal — that will help them to shine.

“I Need You” Beatles Principle Number 4: Put exceedingly diverse professionals on the same team, mix specialists with generalists, and foster friendly competition to produce the best ideas.

On this last principle, Sobel writes:
The Beatles showed that differences and friendly competition fuel team creativity. So does a blend of specialist and generalist abilities. McCartney and Lennon were the deep generalists of the band. Each had broad musical and artistic talents — both could play a range of instruments, compose music, and write varied lyrics — and this breadth fueled many of the Beatles’ innovations. George Harrison and Ringo Starr, in contrast, were the branded experts. Harrison played lead guitar and Starr played drums, and they stuck to their knitting. As a result, the lead guitar solos grew ever more inventive, melodic, and moving. Starr developed a highly idiosyncratic and recognizable drumming style.

The art of creating effective teams lies in how you blend together branded experts and deep generalists. Unfortunately, many corporate teams are overloaded with specialists who fail to put their products and services into the broader business context of their customer’s or client’s needs — they save the leg but let the patient die. The harder person to develop is the deep generalist. That takes a mix of careful hiring, creative career management, and broad-based skill development. Sprinkle your teams of branded experts with a few deep generalists, and the result will be powerful.

Hyper vs High Energy

A long time ago, I had an interesting discussion with an interesting person regarding High Energy person vs a Hyper person, he maintained that they are both the same thing while I insisted that there is a difference however subtle.

High Energy Person : This is when someone's mean/median energy levels (any combination of these) are higher than an average person energy level.

Hyper Person : When a person's thresholds are lower and a small event/trigger can put the person at a higher than normal energy levels for that person. Basically a person can move to the next level with minimal stimuli, something which most other people will not be affected by. The higher energy level is not a normal state for the person, it is due to the trigger and therefore metastable. Once the triggers are gone the person returns to the original energy levels.

A person can be neither of these, either of these or both, I am probably both.
There can be many hyper low energy people as also non-hyper (stable) high energy

Patterns : Covering up or Closing your mind?

It sounds weird but I see a pattern in the hear gear and the general 'openness' of the corresponding society:

I do understand that all the head dress had a purpose, protecting from cold or wind, protecting from sand and dust, protecting your position or simply hiding you women with the intention of protecting them. Whatever the reason, it seems to me, as if the more you covered your head, the more you close up your minds!

1) Modern society : No head dress : open to experimenting, new ideas, neither orthodox, nor conservative

2) Ancient society : No head dress : Fast evolving society, the Golden periods of history, fast development, equality and all the good things associated with it, new ideas emerging, creative juices at work in all of art, science and literature

3) The Purdah following societies : Strict head and other dress code for women : Limited progress, primarily by men, none for women. Its like once you cover the head, you also close it

4) Middle Eastern cultures : Strict head and dress code for both men and women : Minimal progress for the whole society, limited evolution and contributions in fields of art, science, literature

5) Orthodox societies in the northern part of India : Purdah for women and pagri etc for men. Very othrodox and conservative, closed to new ideas, stuck in the past, limited progress, limited if any contribution on all fronts

6) European cultures of yore with flowing hats and wigs : Not a strict code but highly popular. More conversation than today, less free flow of ideas, strict ideas about prim and proper, expectations, some development but not as fast as now when these things look ridiculous. Who follow it still (the royalty) have still orthodox and less open to new ideas

What role are you playing today?

There was a time I couldn't think of any topics to write about - now there are so many and yet no time to pen my thoughts.

A while ago I was thinking of all the possible roles a person plays and how effortless (not always though) a person moves from one stage to the other.

Its been a remarkable day of sorts, so what roles did I play today?

- A mother both critical and nurturing
- A wife, both nagging and supportive
- A child, an adult
- A daughter-in-law (of the best kind I think :) )
- A cook
- A story teller
- A manager - instructing a problem employee, supporting a potential star, reassuring the frayed nerves of others
- A problem employee ;)
- A human being - a good one at that
- A responsible citizen
- A writer - as I do this
- A patient ear to all the concerns, stories, ideas
- A soothing mouth to calm the fears of a concerned parent
- A facilitator for laisoning between different team
- A transporter of ideas from the team to the concerned network
- A network!
- A daughter
- A sister
- A friend
- A resource
- An object of hate and ridicule (yes, unfortunately even that!)
- A receiver of accolades - thankfully this too :)
- A linker of different networks
- A broadcaster of all my info
- A parasite thriving on speculation
- A miss-fix-it, go-getter
- A miss miss-fit
- An ideal - I think I sensed that in one person's eyes today and remember someone telling me that I was a role model - felt really good.

.. so many more... isn't it surprising how many roles we play - and yet we call our lives boring at time?

The concept of equality of men and women

What is equality?

People still talk about lack of gender parity in today's society. I don't refute the fact that men and women are not treated equal but I have problems with the parameters that I used to judging the level of parity.

Here are some of the standard parameters:
- Who spends more time in the kitchen?
- Who in more likely to stay at home when needed?
- Who more likely to leave their jobs when the need arises?
- Who spends more time with the kids?

I do not agree to these being the parameters of judging the level of equality. I think, equality means having equal choices, having the freedom to chose. There is nothing wrong in playing the traditional roles - the husband the primary bread earner and the wife the primary homemaker. The problem arises when the society expects you to play a role against your wishes. When someone plays a role they want to, that is freedom.

I do more cooking than my husband, I spend more time with my kids, does that put us on unequal footing in our marriage - no. I am doing this out of choice, of my own free will. If does bother me when this is expected of me, by my extended family, that I resent. But as long as I feel I have the option of my 'playing' or 'not playing' the role traditionally assigned to a mother/wife, I don't actually mind the role/work itself.

People make a big deal about 'working women' working in the kitchen. And yet, no one ever talks about the fact that men are expected to drive when going out, men are expected to always have to earn and not really have a choice of staying-at-home and so many similar things. Just like expecting women to work and work-at-home is not fair, these expectations of men are not fair either.

Agreed, women end up doing more work if you add up the work at home and at workplace. Is that always unfair? Even at work, don't we all end up giving most of our key work to our few key people? Do we think it is unfair? No, because, we know those few people are capable of handling more. They why is it unfair at home, as long as the woman in concern is CAPABLE AND WILLING to handle the additional work. Its not too different from someone sick athome. Do we expect the sick and the healthy people to contribute equally to the work? We do expect the healthy people to take care of themselves, home and the sick people and this is totally fair - because the sick can't, so also in the relationships in life. There is nothing like absolute equality, we share the load in the ratio of our willingness and capability. And in my opinion this is FAIR.

This relative equality where each person contributes to a relationship (both physical, emotional, financial, spiritual, and anything else) in proportion of their capability and desire in more fair than the absolute equality where I will do the dishes only if you take care of the laundry and I will drive half the way on the way to our destination on a vacation - all this while you resent doing the dishes and I driving.

Power of the web

This initiation into blogging has me thinking about the power the web.

What gives it the power? The reach and the anonymity.

It lets you be what you want to be, you can be yourself and not have to play a role. At the same time you can play a role that you want to without having to be yourself.

Where to start?

Ok, so here I am trying to blog and without a single subject to blog on.

Typically during a converation when there is nothing to talk about one would resort to - weather. That's what I'll use to break the ice.

Weather, well what about it? its been beautiful lately, cool but not cold, breezy but not windy, cloudy but not depressing, rains but only when I am not travelling, in short perfect! It is at this time of the year when you realize Bangalore is heaven compared to other places. It doesn't get better than this. Maybe it does, if only the rain drops could be a little warmer, getting wet in the rain would be so much more fun that it already is...

Now that we have 'broken the ice' or warmed up and you already know that I am in Bangalore, its probably time to share about who I am. Well, that a tough one. I have unsuccessfully been trying to figure that out all these years.. no I am not telling you how many :)

This blog is my small attempt to see it I can write about my thoughts that I care to share. Not hugely confident that it would succeed but still worth a try.