Birth Order

Of all the theories that claim to explain human behavior I have found Transaction Analysis the easiest to understand.

Explaining personalities in terms of relative size of 'parent', 'adult' and 'child' is easy to grasp. A child brings spontaneity, creativity and unadulterated emotions - the felt concept of life. A parent brings a sense of authority, nurturing, criticism - the taught concept of life. An adult is our ability to think and determine actions based on data - it is what brings in the thought concept of life.

Relationships and manifested in interactions between various components in different people. Intimacy, conflict, dependence, games, all are explained as interactions between adult-adult, child-child/parent-parent, child-parent or ulterior transactions.

I have observed for quite some time a pattern and correlation between a person and his/her birth order. Only now it occurs to me that probably the reason why the birth order has an impact on a person is because it determines how dominant are the parent/adult/child in our personalities.

When a couple has their first child, they are still unsure of what to expect. Their behavior is tentative, they strive hard to become the world's best parent. They want everything to be perfect. The child is always in the spotlight, her behavior under a scanner, to be analyzed to the minutest details. Under close supervision which inevitably leads to excessive nurturing and/or criticism, the child develops a big PARENT component.

The opposite happens in case of the youngest child. The parents by now are seasoned pros in child rearing and no longer fret over an upset stomach. They are no longer panic at the child starting late to walk and no longer work hard to make sure the child has mastered the alphabets in their second year itself. They are more able to enjoy the child as a child. Without any pressure on either themselves or the child to prove that they are capable. The child on account of elder sibling and (by now) more mature parents is pampered. As a result of being the baby of the family, child has a big CHILD component in their personalities.

The in-between children are of course more balanced. And not to forget that a lot depends on the parents themselves and the unique circumstances of the child.

Neither a big CHILD nor a big PARENT component is good/bad in themselves. They just bring a different quality to the table.

Pattern Matching .. intuition continued

Whoever said software is all about logic - wasn't too far away from truth!

What is Intuition?
A black-boxed, custom built proprietary pattern matching algorithm used for predicting. It can be fine tuned over time but is near impossible to reverse engineer. It is certainly not collaborative and license is tied to the owner.

What is reasoning and logic?
An open-sourced, collaborative pattern matching algorithm for predicting and coming to conclusions. It is generic and richer but of times too many incompatible versions available simultaneously leading to confusion. No licensing requirements and anyone is free to use.

Sounds familiar??

The tough thing is deciding when to go for the proprietary model and when to use open source :)

Intuition..

The most important gut-feeling that a person needs is to know is when to trust your gut-feeling ..

Working ..

When you think of it, there is a reason why exercising is called working out. There are so many parallels.

First and foremost, different people have different reasons for working out, some do it for the sake of doing it, some enjoy doing it, some do it for the end results and some are advised/initiated by their family/friends/doctors into taking it up.

Some people love working out in a gym while others like to do it within the confines of their home. Each person has its own set of favorite equipment and exercises. Some like to stretch out on a mat while the others sweat it out on the treadmill. There are those who find the gym ball fun while other might like to do the weights. Just like each work is important but different so also the different form of exercising. Who is to say that aerobics is better than yoga or weights training. It depends on your attitude, aptitude , metabolism, body type, unique circumstances and most certainly what you are trying to achieve. Depending on your attitude you might prefer to go solo on a treadmill or join a group for kick boxing.

Some enjoy the process all along while others can wait to finish it and get done. Some do it with music while others are totally focussed on the dials. Some micromanage each micro-gram and calorie while others lose focus of what it was that got them into this and do anything at random.

To some it is a form or relaxation and for others it means a lot of pushing and pumping to feel the rush of the adrenalin. Some love all the action and excitement that it adds to their life while others to calm their frayed nerves.

Some come to run away from others while others join a gym to meet more people. The way you chose where to work(out) depends on various factors, the equipments, cost, timing, culture, availability, distance or simple brand recognition - and there are those who just like to 'belong' to a cool club.

Some are self driven and push themselves to newer limits each time. Others need the goading from the trainers to continue. Just like at work, a good trainer/companion can have a lasting impact and make all the difference between loving it or hating - not to forget success or failure. Doing it wrong or not following the rules can be disastrous.

Different people achieve different amount of success. Then again, different have different goals and define success differently. Take the case of the simple treadmill. Each person chooses a different workout with the exact same equipment - just like at work. They choose a different program, a different timeout, a different gradient, a different speed. Some do it fast but don't last long. There are others who are slow but go far. Some others ramp up fast while others like to go gently. Some put a time limit (9-5??) while some put a limit in the form of calories (Finish this work and go). Some would work hard enough until they get their hearts pumping!

Just like at work, if you are doing all right, you go achieve a higher goal each time. The fitness level just like success at work is a factor of many things, your training, your trainer, your hard work, the right equipment/tools, your perseverance, your metabolism (smartness??) . Just like at work, experience and age play some role but only some.

I could go on and on .. I love analogies, patterns, abstract stuff but I guess its enough for now.

Of mice and men

There is story of two mice, here goes,

Two mice fell into a bucket of cream. There was no way out of the bucket. One mouse gave up right away and drowned. But in the face of hopelessness, the other mouse kicked and struggled anyway. He kicked so hard he churned that cream into butter and then he walked out of the bucket.

Are the lives of men (and women) really too different from that of these proverbial mice? Aren't we all struggling in our lives - churning and kicking, some faster than the others, with only a few of walking out of the bucket of life and only a few giving up and sinking.

People ..

I would characterize people into five kinds, Aloof, Dependant, , Protective, Independent, Co-dependent.
The kinds of people you feel inclined to interact with depends on the type most complementary to yours.

Aloof by definition prefer no interaction. They are in a world of their own and need no external stimuli.
Protectors have a need to feel good about themselves, to protect, to control, to have power and this is a perfect complement for the Dependent. They naturally they gyrate towards one another both reinforcing and fuelling their current life positions.
Independent people hate being chained down and prefer to seeks others of their type. Each free to do as they please, no explanations.
Co-dependent are the next form of independent who can be independent when they need to be but prefer dependence by choice - finding coexistence is far more satisfying due to they synergy of co-existence.

Of times the same person has a different relationship with different people (potentially dependence/protective with parents/kids, independent/co-dependent/aloof at work, codependent with spouse etc.)
With time people evolve, they grow/out-grow various traits and unless their counter part change in a complementary way, people break existing bonds and forge new ones. This is probably how we leave behind old friends and make new ones. As we grow we out-grown the co-dependence on our old friends and the relationship changes to a different flavors which is not so much to our taste.

What makes things more interesting is that within the same two people the relationship may vary with the time and circumstances and that is the mark of a strong bond - it has not one but multi-links. Its when two people can grown/alter/evolve in sync. When I am Independent or Aloof the other lets me just be, when I am Weak the other is there to Protect me and when I want to co-exist so also he/she.

The good, the bad and the terrible

Good manager
You have a right to remain silent but I'd really like to hear your perspective. Nothing that you say will be used against you in anyway.

Bad Manager
You have a right to remain silent and anything that you say will not be heard anyway.

Terrible Manager
You don't have right to remain silent so you better speak up. Anything that you say will most certainly be used against you. It will sliced and diced and coated and quoted.

Energy vs Ennui

Our CEO visited us yesterday, travelling for over 20 hours, reached in the morning, had meeting all through the day and left by the night for another long journey!

Hows that for energy?

I was floored by the all hands meeting and feel good about being where I am.

Well, I digressed, I wanted to talk about Energy levels. I've touched the topic once before, it is something that is very close to me.

http://jainshruti.blogspot.com/2006/06/hyper-vs-high-energy.html

A person will always find it tough not to favor the high-energy person over the dull/sluggish one. Its probably natural, few enjoy having to goad someone into bringing an super idea to fruitation, getting the work done and the like.

The trouble starts when one cannot differentiate between lack of energy and ennui. Oftimes what is mistaken for indolence is simple boredom, a feeling of dissatisfaction arising from lack of interest.

It only takes a crack at this superfial coat of weariness to expose the bright, vernal sapling ready to shoot forth in all its bloom in all its glory. Before long, what was considered as dead is brusting forth with energy and a will to take up the next challenge.

Where does the gardener/manager fit in? in being able to distinguish between the bright, the difficult and the dormant and being able to treat them accordingly. Tend to your bright ones, the difficult ones might require simulation of alien conditions and the dormant ones would require extreme steps including scarification, soaking and stratification to increase the probability of germination.

Leadership : Interesting view point

The topic of class/house leaders turned up recently in a conversation with my kids.

My son was very clear that he does not like being the leader. My daughter on the other hand had an interesting perspective. What she exactly said was :
"I don't like being the leader either but when others are class leaders, I get so irritated that I prefer to be the leader myself even though I really don't like it"

And why just leadership? its true of so many things in life. We aren't always fortunate enough to have a choice between what we like or don't like. Oftentimes life doles out tough options and we are forced to pick one we least dislike.

Word : Minute

Minute has various meaning. These are the entries for minute as per the online dictionary :

min·ute
n. Abbr. min.
1. A unit of time equal to one sixtieth of an hour, or 60 seconds.
2. A unit of angular measurement equal to one sixtieth of a degree, or 60 seconds. Also called minute of arc.
3. A measure of the distance one can cover in a minute: lives ten minutes from school.
4. A short interval of time; moment. See Synonyms at moment.
5. A specific point in time: Stop that this minute!
6. A note or summary covering points to be remembered; a memorandum.
7. minutes An official record of the proceedings of a meeting.
tr.v. min·ut·ed, min·ut·ing, min·utes
To record in a memorandum or the minutes of a meeting.

mi·nute
adj.
1. Exceptionally small; tiny. See Synonyms at small.
2. Beneath notice; insignificant.
3. Characterized by careful scrutiny and close examination: held a minute inspection of the grounds.

When you look at it closely, all are related.

- When someone gives you get a minute-by-minute (ref n. 4) account of an event, you get every minute (ref adj. 1, 3) detail of what happended.
- When you record every minute (ref adj. 1, 3) detail, every minute (ref n. 4) of the dicussion, you get the minutes (ref n. 6) of the meeting.

Another realization..

Its took me more that three decades and a nine year old son mad about Power Rangers to learn my alphabets!

Recently my son asked me the meaning of delta (in the context of Power Rangers) and that had me starting to explain alpha, beta ... and then it suddenly clicked -
alpha, beta => alphabets!

So much for such an obvious etymology that had escaped my notice for so long.

There is a keen difference between instinctive action and impulsive
action.

Impulse is driven by the heart. It signifies what I 'want to do'.
Instinct comes from the spirit. It marks what I 'need to do'.

And not to forget that there is a third variety, the well thought action -
Thought is a creation of the mind, telling me what I 'should do'.

Another perspective

The roads in Bangalore are bad, there is hardly anyone who would contest this (even though lately I have seen some change for the better).

Everyone blames the government and and a whole bunch of civic bodies for not doing enough to rectify the situation. There are places where the road has so many pits that it is a question of which pit to go through rather than which pothole to avoid. I know the kids take the last seat in the bus because they 'love the bouncy ride' - feels like an adventure trip!

<<>>

I have been wondering if (part) culprit for the bad roads are the magnificent trees that line up the road sides. Bangalore promenades are a sight to behold when in full bloom. Is it possible that the beautiful Frangipanis, Gulmohars, Silver Oaks, African Tulips and all else have literally a role to play in all of Bangalore's pitfalls.

Bangalore's soil is rich but very hard to dig through and liable to cracking - trees are unable to establish deep roots. To be able to create a strong foundation in this earth, it is important for the trees grows their roots wide and far rather than deep. A lack of deep tap root would expose the tree to the risk of being uprooted by a strong wind (something we have seen oftimes in Bangalore). Roots spread wide would hold the tree better. As the roots spread they come all the way up to the road, cracking it up!

Bangalore wouldn't been the same without its trees. Not having the trees is not solution to bad roads, maybe laying them differently taking this fact into account is.

Decision Making

When it comes to making the big decisions, there are two distinct methods:

- Practical Choice
Making decisions using complex statistics and probabilities to predict the most likely outcome.
(Common example being - choosing Engineering, Medicine etc as a profession to achieve reasonable success)

- Intuitive Choice
Making decisions based on some unknown black-boxed algorithm/logic that you trust/have found to work but cannot explain even to your own self
(An example could be backing a particular stock even in case of consistent bad performance)

What is common sense?
Choosing how to arrive at the decision. In certain cases, both practical and intuitive choices are identical making the decision making simple. However as is often the case, the two decisions (practical and intuitive) are warring and this is where common sense steps in. It is common sense to consider all possible outcomes, weigh in the benefits/risks of each and arrive at the final decision.

When we reflect back, a common sense decision need not necessarily be the best decision.
The practical decision with an almost certain outcome was just that, almost but not quite!
The gut feel which had proved to be right so often, finally let you down!

People : Standing out vs Blending in

I believe there are two distinct types of people in this world.

The very very 'normal' people (not to be confused with average) - who strive hard their entire life to stand out from the crowd - to make everyone, most importantly their own selves believe they are different and unique.

The other set of people comprises of the 'odd' folks. These are those people who think, act and feel differently from most people around them and continue to struggle their entire lives to belong and blend in and not to be considered weird or different.

Besides these two extremes, there are the in between folks, and of course, there are people who stand out naturally and take pride in it and the people who prefer to and are a part of the crowds and feel comforted in a sense of being away from the spot light.

and again..

.. I've had a weird thought..

Is there any fundamental difference between :

- In my view blah blah blah is true
- In my opinion blah blah blah is true
- I've been thinking blah blah blah is true

Dictionary meanings are as follows:
View: A position from which things are looked at.
Opinion : belief stronger than impression and less strong than positive knowledge
Thinking: A way of reasoning; judgment

I could be wrong but this is what I derive out of this?
A view is obtained from our current position, circumstances, place etc. It is very literally how you see it and is easy to change with time and position. Opinion is a derivation from a views, thoughts, feelings held over a period of time and probably harder to change. Thinking is more cognitive in nature and based on logic and reason.

Mixed feelings..

Recently my company took all the 'ladies' to a one day conference
organized to (presumably) help them live their lives better, balance
work-life and the like.

A good initiative no doubt, it was done with the right intentions, spending a lot of time, effort and money in organizing the whole stuff in such a big way; but for various reasons I seem to have mixed feeling about it.

- I have never felt discriminated against at work, NEVER. I feel giving the women a day off, taking them to a 5 star hotel etc etc is in fact a reverse form of discrimination.

- All discrimination usually happen outside of the workplace - at home, in the family, on the streets, most certainly the movies, fix these if you can.

- It would be so appropriate to hold these sessions for the 'family', parents, in-laws and sensitize them to the fact that the women put as much (if not more) effort in their workplaces, as much as their sons so why not spare them some of the chores or encourage their sons to contribute some more.

- Another good way to change the whole setup would be to take all the 'managers' and sensitize/evaluate them so that they do not create a culture of discrimination - everything at the workplace flows from there. All the policies and good intentions come to a naught with a 'poor' manager.

- Maybe there is some merit in helping the women live better in the current situation; till the time bigger, broader, more permanent changes can happen.. somehow I didn't feel I wanted to be a part of it.

The good part of the whole exercise, I was (very appropriately) missed in the 'ladies' emailing list and got a good excuse to escape ... I have always felt that a 'lady' is an euphemism and glorification for renunciation of all the fun things in life. You are expected to conform to a particular way of speaking, walking, eating, dressing, living and need give up on most of the fun things ...

Familiarity vs Distance

Often people quote :
- "Familiarity breeds contempt"
- "Distance make the heart grow fonder"

What I have noticed in practice is that, initially you do miss a person, but with time, you learn to live on your own and there comes a time when you actually prefer it!

Once the person is back, you resent not being able to 'do your thing'

On the other end, the more you get to know a person, the more you are able to appreciate them, quite the opposite of contempt!

Does your car conform to the standard?

Check out the degree to which your car conforms to or deviates from the typical Indian car -

Q1. Does it have something hanging from the rear-view mirror?
If you running out of ideas, popular candidates are, teddies, bunnies, CDs, toys, beads/garlands, air freshner - particularly the leaf pattern, Chinese Feng Shui stuff, flowers - both fresh and artificial, piece of cloth (especially the holy ones), crystal...

Q2. Does it have a box of tissues?
Ideally an ornamental box sitting in the back.

Q3. Does it have God or some other 'holy stuff' sitting in the middle of the front deck/dashboard?
Plently of choices here too, could be an idol, a cross, you get the picture I am sure. If you want to go beyond the ordinary, you could offer flowers, agarbattis and what not.

Q4. Does it have an air freshner bottle on the front left?
Minor deviations are possible on the position and type.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

No I am not talking about the movie. I am talking about managers.

I had noticed some absolutely wonderful managers having totally terrible managers report to them. I often wondered why do these seemingly perfect managers hire/tolerate these horrible managers, can't they train them to be better? be more sensitive? can't they get rid of them in the very least before they lose the whole team?

It suddenly occurs to me that maybe there is a purpose to it?
Is it possible that the reason is as simple as - 'Good managers don't want to (either consciously or otherwise) get rid of the 'Bad managers. Could it be that they are - knowingly or unknowingly playing Good cop, Bad cop with the team. One relentlessly pushes the team and makes them work by coercion and the other being the popular one make them work due to a personal rapport. Is it possible that the 'Good' manager is actually keeping the 'Bad' manager to do his dirty job.