There is story of two mice, here goes,
Two mice fell into a bucket of cream. There was no way out of the bucket. One mouse gave up right away and drowned. But in the face of hopelessness, the other mouse kicked and struggled anyway. He kicked so hard he churned that cream into butter and then he walked out of the bucket.
Are the lives of men (and women) really too different from that of these proverbial mice? Aren't we all struggling in our lives - churning and kicking, some faster than the others, with only a few of walking out of the bucket of life and only a few giving up and sinking.
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Friday, December 22, 2006
People ..
I would characterize people into five kinds, Aloof, Dependant, , Protective, Independent, Co-dependent.
The kinds of people you feel inclined to interact with depends on the type most complementary to yours.
Aloof by definition prefer no interaction. They are in a world of their own and need no external stimuli.
Protectors have a need to feel good about themselves, to protect, to control, to have power and this is a perfect complement for the Dependent. They naturally they gyrate towards one another both reinforcing and fuelling their current life positions.
Independent people hate being chained down and prefer to seeks others of their type. Each free to do as they please, no explanations.
Co-dependent are the next form of independent who can be independent when they need to be but prefer dependence by choice - finding coexistence is far more satisfying due to they synergy of co-existence.
Of times the same person has a different relationship with different people (potentially dependence/protective with parents/kids, independent/co-dependent/aloof at work, codependent with spouse etc.)
With time people evolve, they grow/out-grow various traits and unless their counter part change in a complementary way, people break existing bonds and forge new ones. This is probably how we leave behind old friends and make new ones. As we grow we out-grown the co-dependence on our old friends and the relationship changes to a different flavors which is not so much to our taste.
What makes things more interesting is that within the same two people the relationship may vary with the time and circumstances and that is the mark of a strong bond - it has not one but multi-links. Its when two people can grown/alter/evolve in sync. When I am Independent or Aloof the other lets me just be, when I am Weak the other is there to Protect me and when I want to co-exist so also he/she.
The kinds of people you feel inclined to interact with depends on the type most complementary to yours.
Aloof by definition prefer no interaction. They are in a world of their own and need no external stimuli.
Protectors have a need to feel good about themselves, to protect, to control, to have power and this is a perfect complement for the Dependent. They naturally they gyrate towards one another both reinforcing and fuelling their current life positions.
Independent people hate being chained down and prefer to seeks others of their type. Each free to do as they please, no explanations.
Co-dependent are the next form of independent who can be independent when they need to be but prefer dependence by choice - finding coexistence is far more satisfying due to they synergy of co-existence.
Of times the same person has a different relationship with different people (potentially dependence/protective with parents/kids, independent/co-dependent/aloof at work, codependent with spouse etc.)
With time people evolve, they grow/out-grow various traits and unless their counter part change in a complementary way, people break existing bonds and forge new ones. This is probably how we leave behind old friends and make new ones. As we grow we out-grown the co-dependence on our old friends and the relationship changes to a different flavors which is not so much to our taste.
What makes things more interesting is that within the same two people the relationship may vary with the time and circumstances and that is the mark of a strong bond - it has not one but multi-links. Its when two people can grown/alter/evolve in sync. When I am Independent or Aloof the other lets me just be, when I am Weak the other is there to Protect me and when I want to co-exist so also he/she.
Friday, December 08, 2006
The good, the bad and the terrible
Good manager
You have a right to remain silent but I'd really like to hear your perspective. Nothing that you say will be used against you in anyway.
Bad Manager
You have a right to remain silent and anything that you say will not be heard anyway.
Terrible Manager
You don't have right to remain silent so you better speak up. Anything that you say will most certainly be used against you. It will sliced and diced and coated and quoted.
You have a right to remain silent but I'd really like to hear your perspective. Nothing that you say will be used against you in anyway.
Bad Manager
You have a right to remain silent and anything that you say will not be heard anyway.
Terrible Manager
You don't have right to remain silent so you better speak up. Anything that you say will most certainly be used against you. It will sliced and diced and coated and quoted.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Energy vs Ennui
Our CEO visited us yesterday, travelling for over 20 hours, reached in the morning, had meeting all through the day and left by the night for another long journey!
Hows that for energy?
I was floored by the all hands meeting and feel good about being where I am.
Well, I digressed, I wanted to talk about Energy levels. I've touched the topic once before, it is something that is very close to me.
http://jainshruti.blogspot.com/2006/06/hyper-vs-high-energy.html
A person will always find it tough not to favor the high-energy person over the dull/sluggish one. Its probably natural, few enjoy having to goad someone into bringing an super idea to fruitation, getting the work done and the like.
The trouble starts when one cannot differentiate between lack of energy and ennui. Oftimes what is mistaken for indolence is simple boredom, a feeling of dissatisfaction arising from lack of interest.
It only takes a crack at this superfial coat of weariness to expose the bright, vernal sapling ready to shoot forth in all its bloom in all its glory. Before long, what was considered as dead is brusting forth with energy and a will to take up the next challenge.
Where does the gardener/manager fit in? in being able to distinguish between the bright, the difficult and the dormant and being able to treat them accordingly. Tend to your bright ones, the difficult ones might require simulation of alien conditions and the dormant ones would require extreme steps including scarification, soaking and stratification to increase the probability of germination.
Hows that for energy?
I was floored by the all hands meeting and feel good about being where I am.
Well, I digressed, I wanted to talk about Energy levels. I've touched the topic once before, it is something that is very close to me.
http://jainshruti.blogspot.com/2006/06/hyper-vs-high-energy.html
A person will always find it tough not to favor the high-energy person over the dull/sluggish one. Its probably natural, few enjoy having to goad someone into bringing an super idea to fruitation, getting the work done and the like.
The trouble starts when one cannot differentiate between lack of energy and ennui. Oftimes what is mistaken for indolence is simple boredom, a feeling of dissatisfaction arising from lack of interest.
It only takes a crack at this superfial coat of weariness to expose the bright, vernal sapling ready to shoot forth in all its bloom in all its glory. Before long, what was considered as dead is brusting forth with energy and a will to take up the next challenge.
Where does the gardener/manager fit in? in being able to distinguish between the bright, the difficult and the dormant and being able to treat them accordingly. Tend to your bright ones, the difficult ones might require simulation of alien conditions and the dormant ones would require extreme steps including scarification, soaking and stratification to increase the probability of germination.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Leadership : Interesting view point
The topic of class/house leaders turned up recently in a conversation with my kids.
My son was very clear that he does not like being the leader. My daughter on the other hand had an interesting perspective. What she exactly said was :
"I don't like being the leader either but when others are class leaders, I get so irritated that I prefer to be the leader myself even though I really don't like it"
And why just leadership? its true of so many things in life. We aren't always fortunate enough to have a choice between what we like or don't like. Oftentimes life doles out tough options and we are forced to pick one we least dislike.
My son was very clear that he does not like being the leader. My daughter on the other hand had an interesting perspective. What she exactly said was :
"I don't like being the leader either but when others are class leaders, I get so irritated that I prefer to be the leader myself even though I really don't like it"
And why just leadership? its true of so many things in life. We aren't always fortunate enough to have a choice between what we like or don't like. Oftentimes life doles out tough options and we are forced to pick one we least dislike.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Word : Minute
Minute has various meaning. These are the entries for minute as per the online dictionary :
min·ute
n. Abbr. min.
1. A unit of time equal to one sixtieth of an hour, or 60 seconds.
2. A unit of angular measurement equal to one sixtieth of a degree, or 60 seconds. Also called minute of arc.
3. A measure of the distance one can cover in a minute: lives ten minutes from school.
4. A short interval of time; moment. See Synonyms at moment.
5. A specific point in time: Stop that this minute!
6. A note or summary covering points to be remembered; a memorandum.
7. minutes An official record of the proceedings of a meeting.
tr.v. min·ut·ed, min·ut·ing, min·utes
To record in a memorandum or the minutes of a meeting.
mi·nute
adj.
1. Exceptionally small; tiny. See Synonyms at small.
2. Beneath notice; insignificant.
3. Characterized by careful scrutiny and close examination: held a minute inspection of the grounds.
When you look at it closely, all are related.
- When someone gives you get a minute-by-minute (ref n. 4) account of an event, you get every minute (ref adj. 1, 3) detail of what happended.
- When you record every minute (ref adj. 1, 3) detail, every minute (ref n. 4) of the dicussion, you get the minutes (ref n. 6) of the meeting.
min·ute
n. Abbr. min.
1. A unit of time equal to one sixtieth of an hour, or 60 seconds.
2. A unit of angular measurement equal to one sixtieth of a degree, or 60 seconds. Also called minute of arc.
3. A measure of the distance one can cover in a minute: lives ten minutes from school.
4. A short interval of time; moment. See Synonyms at moment.
5. A specific point in time: Stop that this minute!
6. A note or summary covering points to be remembered; a memorandum.
7. minutes An official record of the proceedings of a meeting.
tr.v. min·ut·ed, min·ut·ing, min·utes
To record in a memorandum or the minutes of a meeting.
mi·nute
adj.
1. Exceptionally small; tiny. See Synonyms at small.
2. Beneath notice; insignificant.
3. Characterized by careful scrutiny and close examination: held a minute inspection of the grounds.
When you look at it closely, all are related.
- When someone gives you get a minute-by-minute (ref n. 4) account of an event, you get every minute (ref adj. 1, 3) detail of what happended.
- When you record every minute (ref adj. 1, 3) detail, every minute (ref n. 4) of the dicussion, you get the minutes (ref n. 6) of the meeting.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Another realization..
Its took me more that three decades and a nine year old son mad about Power Rangers to learn my alphabets!
Recently my son asked me the meaning of delta (in the context of Power Rangers) and that had me starting to explain alpha, beta ... and then it suddenly clicked -
alpha, beta => alphabets!
So much for such an obvious etymology that had escaped my notice for so long.
Recently my son asked me the meaning of delta (in the context of Power Rangers) and that had me starting to explain alpha, beta ... and then it suddenly clicked -
alpha, beta => alphabets!
So much for such an obvious etymology that had escaped my notice for so long.
There is a keen difference between instinctive action and impulsive
action.
Impulse is driven by the heart. It signifies what I 'want to do'.
Instinct comes from the spirit. It marks what I 'need to do'.
And not to forget that there is a third variety, the well thought action -
Thought is a creation of the mind, telling me what I 'should do'.
action.
Impulse is driven by the heart. It signifies what I 'want to do'.
Instinct comes from the spirit. It marks what I 'need to do'.
And not to forget that there is a third variety, the well thought action -
Thought is a creation of the mind, telling me what I 'should do'.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Another perspective
The roads in Bangalore are bad, there is hardly anyone who would contest this (even though lately I have seen some change for the better).
Everyone blames the government and and a whole bunch of civic bodies for not doing enough to rectify the situation. There are places where the road has so many pits that it is a question of which pit to go through rather than which pothole to avoid. I know the kids take the last seat in the bus because they 'love the bouncy ride' - feels like an adventure trip!
<<>>
I have been wondering if (part) culprit for the bad roads are the magnificent trees that line up the road sides. Bangalore promenades are a sight to behold when in full bloom. Is it possible that the beautiful Frangipanis, Gulmohars, Silver Oaks, African Tulips and all else have literally a role to play in all of Bangalore's pitfalls.
Bangalore's soil is rich but very hard to dig through and liable to cracking - trees are unable to establish deep roots. To be able to create a strong foundation in this earth, it is important for the trees grows their roots wide and far rather than deep. A lack of deep tap root would expose the tree to the risk of being uprooted by a strong wind (something we have seen oftimes in Bangalore). Roots spread wide would hold the tree better. As the roots spread they come all the way up to the road, cracking it up!
Bangalore wouldn't been the same without its trees. Not having the trees is not solution to bad roads, maybe laying them differently taking this fact into account is.
Everyone blames the government and and a whole bunch of civic bodies for not doing enough to rectify the situation. There are places where the road has so many pits that it is a question of which pit to go through rather than which pothole to avoid. I know the kids take the last seat in the bus because they 'love the bouncy ride' - feels like an adventure trip!
<<>>
I have been wondering if (part) culprit for the bad roads are the magnificent trees that line up the road sides. Bangalore promenades are a sight to behold when in full bloom. Is it possible that the beautiful Frangipanis, Gulmohars, Silver Oaks, African Tulips and all else have literally a role to play in all of Bangalore's pitfalls.
Bangalore's soil is rich but very hard to dig through and liable to cracking - trees are unable to establish deep roots. To be able to create a strong foundation in this earth, it is important for the trees grows their roots wide and far rather than deep. A lack of deep tap root would expose the tree to the risk of being uprooted by a strong wind (something we have seen oftimes in Bangalore). Roots spread wide would hold the tree better. As the roots spread they come all the way up to the road, cracking it up!
Bangalore wouldn't been the same without its trees. Not having the trees is not solution to bad roads, maybe laying them differently taking this fact into account is.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Decision Making
When it comes to making the big decisions, there are two distinct methods:
- Practical Choice
Making decisions using complex statistics and probabilities to predict the most likely outcome.
(Common example being - choosing Engineering, Medicine etc as a profession to achieve reasonable success)
- Intuitive Choice
Making decisions based on some unknown black-boxed algorithm/logic that you trust/have found to work but cannot explain even to your own self
(An example could be backing a particular stock even in case of consistent bad performance)
What is common sense?
Choosing how to arrive at the decision. In certain cases, both practical and intuitive choices are identical making the decision making simple. However as is often the case, the two decisions (practical and intuitive) are warring and this is where common sense steps in. It is common sense to consider all possible outcomes, weigh in the benefits/risks of each and arrive at the final decision.
When we reflect back, a common sense decision need not necessarily be the best decision.
The practical decision with an almost certain outcome was just that, almost but not quite!
The gut feel which had proved to be right so often, finally let you down!
- Practical Choice
Making decisions using complex statistics and probabilities to predict the most likely outcome.
(Common example being - choosing Engineering, Medicine etc as a profession to achieve reasonable success)
- Intuitive Choice
Making decisions based on some unknown black-boxed algorithm/logic that you trust/have found to work but cannot explain even to your own self
(An example could be backing a particular stock even in case of consistent bad performance)
What is common sense?
Choosing how to arrive at the decision. In certain cases, both practical and intuitive choices are identical making the decision making simple. However as is often the case, the two decisions (practical and intuitive) are warring and this is where common sense steps in. It is common sense to consider all possible outcomes, weigh in the benefits/risks of each and arrive at the final decision.
When we reflect back, a common sense decision need not necessarily be the best decision.
The practical decision with an almost certain outcome was just that, almost but not quite!
The gut feel which had proved to be right so often, finally let you down!
Friday, November 03, 2006
People : Standing out vs Blending in
I believe there are two distinct types of people in this world.
The very very 'normal' people (not to be confused with average) - who strive hard their entire life to stand out from the crowd - to make everyone, most importantly their own selves believe they are different and unique.
The other set of people comprises of the 'odd' folks. These are those people who think, act and feel differently from most people around them and continue to struggle their entire lives to belong and blend in and not to be considered weird or different.
Besides these two extremes, there are the in between folks, and of course, there are people who stand out naturally and take pride in it and the people who prefer to and are a part of the crowds and feel comforted in a sense of being away from the spot light.
The very very 'normal' people (not to be confused with average) - who strive hard their entire life to stand out from the crowd - to make everyone, most importantly their own selves believe they are different and unique.
The other set of people comprises of the 'odd' folks. These are those people who think, act and feel differently from most people around them and continue to struggle their entire lives to belong and blend in and not to be considered weird or different.
Besides these two extremes, there are the in between folks, and of course, there are people who stand out naturally and take pride in it and the people who prefer to and are a part of the crowds and feel comforted in a sense of being away from the spot light.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
and again..
.. I've had a weird thought..
Is there any fundamental difference between :
- In my view blah blah blah is true
- In my opinion blah blah blah is true
- I've been thinking blah blah blah is true
Dictionary meanings are as follows:
View: A position from which things are looked at.
Opinion : belief stronger than impression and less strong than positive knowledge
Thinking: A way of reasoning; judgment
I could be wrong but this is what I derive out of this?
A view is obtained from our current position, circumstances, place etc. It is very literally how you see it and is easy to change with time and position. Opinion is a derivation from a views, thoughts, feelings held over a period of time and probably harder to change. Thinking is more cognitive in nature and based on logic and reason.
Is there any fundamental difference between :
- In my view blah blah blah is true
- In my opinion blah blah blah is true
- I've been thinking blah blah blah is true
Dictionary meanings are as follows:
View: A position from which things are looked at.
Opinion : belief stronger than impression and less strong than positive knowledge
Thinking: A way of reasoning; judgment
I could be wrong but this is what I derive out of this?
A view is obtained from our current position, circumstances, place etc. It is very literally how you see it and is easy to change with time and position. Opinion is a derivation from a views, thoughts, feelings held over a period of time and probably harder to change. Thinking is more cognitive in nature and based on logic and reason.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Mixed feelings..
Recently my company took all the 'ladies' to a one day conference
organized to (presumably) help them live their lives better, balance
work-life and the like.
A good initiative no doubt, it was done with the right intentions, spending a lot of time, effort and money in organizing the whole stuff in such a big way; but for various reasons I seem to have mixed feeling about it.
- I have never felt discriminated against at work, NEVER. I feel giving the women a day off, taking them to a 5 star hotel etc etc is in fact a reverse form of discrimination.
- All discrimination usually happen outside of the workplace - at home, in the family, on the streets, most certainly the movies, fix these if you can.
- It would be so appropriate to hold these sessions for the 'family', parents, in-laws and sensitize them to the fact that the women put as much (if not more) effort in their workplaces, as much as their sons so why not spare them some of the chores or encourage their sons to contribute some more.
- Another good way to change the whole setup would be to take all the 'managers' and sensitize/evaluate them so that they do not create a culture of discrimination - everything at the workplace flows from there. All the policies and good intentions come to a naught with a 'poor' manager.
- Maybe there is some merit in helping the women live better in the current situation; till the time bigger, broader, more permanent changes can happen.. somehow I didn't feel I wanted to be a part of it.
The good part of the whole exercise, I was (very appropriately) missed in the 'ladies' emailing list and got a good excuse to escape ... I have always felt that a 'lady' is an euphemism and glorification for renunciation of all the fun things in life. You are expected to conform to a particular way of speaking, walking, eating, dressing, living and need give up on most of the fun things ...
organized to (presumably) help them live their lives better, balance
work-life and the like.
A good initiative no doubt, it was done with the right intentions, spending a lot of time, effort and money in organizing the whole stuff in such a big way; but for various reasons I seem to have mixed feeling about it.
- I have never felt discriminated against at work, NEVER. I feel giving the women a day off, taking them to a 5 star hotel etc etc is in fact a reverse form of discrimination.
- All discrimination usually happen outside of the workplace - at home, in the family, on the streets, most certainly the movies, fix these if you can.
- It would be so appropriate to hold these sessions for the 'family', parents, in-laws and sensitize them to the fact that the women put as much (if not more) effort in their workplaces, as much as their sons so why not spare them some of the chores or encourage their sons to contribute some more.
- Another good way to change the whole setup would be to take all the 'managers' and sensitize/evaluate them so that they do not create a culture of discrimination - everything at the workplace flows from there. All the policies and good intentions come to a naught with a 'poor' manager.
- Maybe there is some merit in helping the women live better in the current situation; till the time bigger, broader, more permanent changes can happen.. somehow I didn't feel I wanted to be a part of it.
The good part of the whole exercise, I was (very appropriately) missed in the 'ladies' emailing list and got a good excuse to escape ... I have always felt that a 'lady' is an euphemism and glorification for renunciation of all the fun things in life. You are expected to conform to a particular way of speaking, walking, eating, dressing, living and need give up on most of the fun things ...
Monday, October 16, 2006
Familiarity vs Distance
Often people quote :
- "Familiarity breeds contempt"
- "Distance make the heart grow fonder"
What I have noticed in practice is that, initially you do miss a person, but with time, you learn to live on your own and there comes a time when you actually prefer it!
Once the person is back, you resent not being able to 'do your thing'
On the other end, the more you get to know a person, the more you are able to appreciate them, quite the opposite of contempt!
- "Familiarity breeds contempt"
- "Distance make the heart grow fonder"
What I have noticed in practice is that, initially you do miss a person, but with time, you learn to live on your own and there comes a time when you actually prefer it!
Once the person is back, you resent not being able to 'do your thing'
On the other end, the more you get to know a person, the more you are able to appreciate them, quite the opposite of contempt!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Does your car conform to the standard?
Check out the degree to which your car conforms to or deviates from the typical Indian car -
Q1. Does it have something hanging from the rear-view mirror?
If you running out of ideas, popular candidates are, teddies, bunnies, CDs, toys, beads/garlands, air freshner - particularly the leaf pattern, Chinese Feng Shui stuff, flowers - both fresh and artificial, piece of cloth (especially the holy ones), crystal...
Q2. Does it have a box of tissues?
Ideally an ornamental box sitting in the back.
Q3. Does it have God or some other 'holy stuff' sitting in the middle of the front deck/dashboard?
Plently of choices here too, could be an idol, a cross, you get the picture I am sure. If you want to go beyond the ordinary, you could offer flowers, agarbattis and what not.
Q4. Does it have an air freshner bottle on the front left?
Minor deviations are possible on the position and type.
Q1. Does it have something hanging from the rear-view mirror?
If you running out of ideas, popular candidates are, teddies, bunnies, CDs, toys, beads/garlands, air freshner - particularly the leaf pattern, Chinese Feng Shui stuff, flowers - both fresh and artificial, piece of cloth (especially the holy ones), crystal...
Q2. Does it have a box of tissues?
Ideally an ornamental box sitting in the back.
Q3. Does it have God or some other 'holy stuff' sitting in the middle of the front deck/dashboard?
Plently of choices here too, could be an idol, a cross, you get the picture I am sure. If you want to go beyond the ordinary, you could offer flowers, agarbattis and what not.
Q4. Does it have an air freshner bottle on the front left?
Minor deviations are possible on the position and type.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Good Cop, Bad Cop
No I am not talking about the movie. I am talking about managers.
I had noticed some absolutely wonderful managers having totally terrible managers report to them. I often wondered why do these seemingly perfect managers hire/tolerate these horrible managers, can't they train them to be better? be more sensitive? can't they get rid of them in the very least before they lose the whole team?
It suddenly occurs to me that maybe there is a purpose to it?
Is it possible that the reason is as simple as - 'Good managers don't want to (either consciously or otherwise) get rid of the 'Bad managers. Could it be that they are - knowingly or unknowingly playing Good cop, Bad cop with the team. One relentlessly pushes the team and makes them work by coercion and the other being the popular one make them work due to a personal rapport. Is it possible that the 'Good' manager is actually keeping the 'Bad' manager to do his dirty job.
I had noticed some absolutely wonderful managers having totally terrible managers report to them. I often wondered why do these seemingly perfect managers hire/tolerate these horrible managers, can't they train them to be better? be more sensitive? can't they get rid of them in the very least before they lose the whole team?
It suddenly occurs to me that maybe there is a purpose to it?
Is it possible that the reason is as simple as - 'Good managers don't want to (either consciously or otherwise) get rid of the 'Bad managers. Could it be that they are - knowingly or unknowingly playing Good cop, Bad cop with the team. One relentlessly pushes the team and makes them work by coercion and the other being the popular one make them work due to a personal rapport. Is it possible that the 'Good' manager is actually keeping the 'Bad' manager to do his dirty job.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Strangers : Therapy - II
Striking a conversation with strangers is never easy. It feels kind of odd, you never know how the other person is taking it, then of course there is the issue of invading someone Else's space, privacy, zone. Any attempts to conversation run the risk of being blown off in no time.
And yet, once is a while comes a stranger who you can talk to you. The complex shortlisting of "The Stranger" is an unexplained phenomena, an obscure inexact science (or is it an art?). Part I guess is the instincts figuring out in the sub conscious that a person is 'your type'. the other of course is the body language, the moods, state of mind, circumstances, life situation, etc. Once you talk, you get a glimpse into the other person which at times compels you to dig deeper.
A stranger, bright enough to understand, a good conversationalist, attentive and appreciative of what you say - and most critically if you can trust the person - A deep long conversation with such a person can be an healing experience - an amazing form of Therapy. With such a rare person, you can talk and be your true self - without the fear of being judged, better still, figure out what is your true self, that which has been tarnished by the constant grease paint and role play in life, roles and relationships.
Its not that we can't talk to people who we love, admire and are close to, our friends, family, role models. Of course we do talk to them, have deep meaningful conversations with them, learn, relax and grow in the process. However with all relationships, there is an inherent sense of expectation, not so much as to do something or live up to something - but more like a mental map of yourself in the other person's mind and usually you end you reinforcing that image and etching it deeper. The image is not bad per say but can be stifling when you want to explore other facets of self. You don't how the other person will react if they see something that they are not accustomed to, hear something that they don't associate with you, experience something about you which was never a part of the possibilities in their opinion. The reaction can range from a wow!, to a disappointment or a sense of let down! You can't always risk it.
Enter the stranger - there is no prior association. There are no expectations to fulfill, no roles to play, no images to sustain, no fear of disapproval, no sense of duty. You can simply bounce ideas without the fear of sticking it in. You end up vocalizing some of your innermost thoughts and feelings, frequently surprising your yourself in the process. Oftentimes, the surprise is due to the fact that the thoughts had been hidden even from your own self and you never realized they existed!
Over a period of time, as you interact, the stranger fades away away and you gain a friend and ...
And yet, once is a while comes a stranger who you can talk to you. The complex shortlisting of "The Stranger" is an unexplained phenomena, an obscure inexact science (or is it an art?). Part I guess is the instincts figuring out in the sub conscious that a person is 'your type'. the other of course is the body language, the moods, state of mind, circumstances, life situation, etc. Once you talk, you get a glimpse into the other person which at times compels you to dig deeper.
A stranger, bright enough to understand, a good conversationalist, attentive and appreciative of what you say - and most critically if you can trust the person - A deep long conversation with such a person can be an healing experience - an amazing form of Therapy. With such a rare person, you can talk and be your true self - without the fear of being judged, better still, figure out what is your true self, that which has been tarnished by the constant grease paint and role play in life, roles and relationships.
Its not that we can't talk to people who we love, admire and are close to, our friends, family, role models. Of course we do talk to them, have deep meaningful conversations with them, learn, relax and grow in the process. However with all relationships, there is an inherent sense of expectation, not so much as to do something or live up to something - but more like a mental map of yourself in the other person's mind and usually you end you reinforcing that image and etching it deeper. The image is not bad per say but can be stifling when you want to explore other facets of self. You don't how the other person will react if they see something that they are not accustomed to, hear something that they don't associate with you, experience something about you which was never a part of the possibilities in their opinion. The reaction can range from a wow!, to a disappointment or a sense of let down! You can't always risk it.
Enter the stranger - there is no prior association. There are no expectations to fulfill, no roles to play, no images to sustain, no fear of disapproval, no sense of duty. You can simply bounce ideas without the fear of sticking it in. You end up vocalizing some of your innermost thoughts and feelings, frequently surprising your yourself in the process. Oftentimes, the surprise is due to the fact that the thoughts had been hidden even from your own self and you never realized they existed!
Over a period of time, as you interact, the stranger fades away away and you gain a friend and ...
Gossip : Therapy - I
As a part of a recent training, the instructor was pointing about the importance of being loyal - specially to a person when he/she is not around. This essentially boils down to 'Not Gossiping'. During the course of the ensuing discussion, a very bright person mentioned that 'Gossiping was Therapeutic' - felt that it is relaxing to talk about what's going on (or not going on) between Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai .. so on and so forth.
The statement stuck me a blasphemous to begin with, I was shocked, after all how can you make a statement like that! Yet, is there some merit in this? Is gossip really a therapy? If not, why is so widespread? Most of the popular printed matter would fall in this category, TV? why yes.
Gossip can be very damaging to a relationship, it is unhealthy, its sick, there are no arguments there - we all know it, but why it is so rampant?
- To begin with, most people gossip about someone unconnected like the 'stars'. Its a low risk topic to bond/talk with friends/acquaintances/colleagues/strangers - low risk in the sense that its a third person we are talking about, neither you nor me! Especially so if the third person is so remote or unconnected to our daily lives like the movie stars.
- If I 'gossip' I don't have to 'expose' my real self. I can continue with this artificial talk and yet have no (real) conversation at the end of it.
- To talk about the short-comings of others gives a (short-lived and false) sense of high by comparison. Oh the virtuous me! - I would never do such a things ... kind of feeling.
- Can't be held accountable for what is said - after all its gossip! Someone told me .. I read somewhere .. I found out .. inevitably it is something you can not trace.
- Makes the person with the gossip feel better cooler ... I know something that you don't.
- Living a life by proxy, a vicarious experience of the forbidden or all that is aspirational. What we can't do, want to do, we talk about through others who have done it or can do it.
- Above all, gossip is a 'Total Time-Pass'. You can sit and idle our the time without too much effort on your grey cells
The statement stuck me a blasphemous to begin with, I was shocked, after all how can you make a statement like that! Yet, is there some merit in this? Is gossip really a therapy? If not, why is so widespread? Most of the popular printed matter would fall in this category, TV? why yes.
Gossip can be very damaging to a relationship, it is unhealthy, its sick, there are no arguments there - we all know it, but why it is so rampant?
- To begin with, most people gossip about someone unconnected like the 'stars'. Its a low risk topic to bond/talk with friends/acquaintances/colleagues/strangers - low risk in the sense that its a third person we are talking about, neither you nor me! Especially so if the third person is so remote or unconnected to our daily lives like the movie stars.
- If I 'gossip' I don't have to 'expose' my real self. I can continue with this artificial talk and yet have no (real) conversation at the end of it.
- To talk about the short-comings of others gives a (short-lived and false) sense of high by comparison. Oh the virtuous me! - I would never do such a things ... kind of feeling.
- Can't be held accountable for what is said - after all its gossip! Someone told me .. I read somewhere .. I found out .. inevitably it is something you can not trace.
- Makes the person with the gossip feel better cooler ... I know something that you don't.
- Living a life by proxy, a vicarious experience of the forbidden or all that is aspirational. What we can't do, want to do, we talk about through others who have done it or can do it.
- Above all, gossip is a 'Total Time-Pass'. You can sit and idle our the time without too much effort on your grey cells
Monday, October 09, 2006
Mooving with the times
Is it a coincidence? Is is by choice? Is it by expectations? Is it by nurturing? Is it how it is?
... that in the Moov ad,
When the husband is shown to be having a back pain, the wife is depicted giving him a nice rub.
When the wife is tossing and turning with a back pain, the husband is sleeping peacefully. The wife gets up, puts on Moov and goes back to sleep. It occurs neither to the wife to wake up the husband nor to the husband to help the wife!
Isn't it time that we move ahead. It is true that at times we depict the way things are, but it is also true what we depicts goes into feeding the way it should be.
Time to move on ...
... that in the Moov ad,
When the husband is shown to be having a back pain, the wife is depicted giving him a nice rub.
When the wife is tossing and turning with a back pain, the husband is sleeping peacefully. The wife gets up, puts on Moov and goes back to sleep. It occurs neither to the wife to wake up the husband nor to the husband to help the wife!
Isn't it time that we move ahead. It is true that at times we depict the way things are, but it is also true what we depicts goes into feeding the way it should be.
Time to move on ...
Friday, October 06, 2006
Words and Characters
Words reveal a lot about a person, the written words even more so.
In this age of the email communications, I guess its got more to do with characters than words. So very literally each character you use (or skip), ends up reflecting your own character :)
What I have observed that people who tend to use acronyms (FYI, BTW, TC, CU, v.good, :) etc. )extensively are more likely to be of the 'Minimalistic' types as opposed to the 'Elaborate' kinds who tend to write full bodied mails.
In this age of the email communications, I guess its got more to do with characters than words. So very literally each character you use (or skip), ends up reflecting your own character :)
What I have observed that people who tend to use acronyms (FYI, BTW, TC, CU, v.good, :) etc. )extensively are more likely to be of the 'Minimalistic' types as opposed to the 'Elaborate' kinds who tend to write full bodied mails.
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