Recently my company took all the 'ladies' to a one day conference
organized to (presumably) help them live their lives better, balance
work-life and the like.
A good initiative no doubt, it was done with the right intentions, spending a lot of time, effort and money in organizing the whole stuff in such a big way; but for various reasons I seem to have mixed feeling about it.
- I have never felt discriminated against at work, NEVER. I feel giving the women a day off, taking them to a 5 star hotel etc etc is in fact a reverse form of discrimination.
- All discrimination usually happen outside of the workplace - at home, in the family, on the streets, most certainly the movies, fix these if you can.
- It would be so appropriate to hold these sessions for the 'family', parents, in-laws and sensitize them to the fact that the women put as much (if not more) effort in their workplaces, as much as their sons so why not spare them some of the chores or encourage their sons to contribute some more.
- Another good way to change the whole setup would be to take all the 'managers' and sensitize/evaluate them so that they do not create a culture of discrimination - everything at the workplace flows from there. All the policies and good intentions come to a naught with a 'poor' manager.
- Maybe there is some merit in helping the women live better in the current situation; till the time bigger, broader, more permanent changes can happen.. somehow I didn't feel I wanted to be a part of it.
The good part of the whole exercise, I was (very appropriately) missed in the 'ladies' emailing list and got a good excuse to escape ... I have always felt that a 'lady' is an euphemism and glorification for renunciation of all the fun things in life. You are expected to conform to a particular way of speaking, walking, eating, dressing, living and need give up on most of the fun things ...
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
Familiarity vs Distance
Often people quote :
- "Familiarity breeds contempt"
- "Distance make the heart grow fonder"
What I have noticed in practice is that, initially you do miss a person, but with time, you learn to live on your own and there comes a time when you actually prefer it!
Once the person is back, you resent not being able to 'do your thing'
On the other end, the more you get to know a person, the more you are able to appreciate them, quite the opposite of contempt!
- "Familiarity breeds contempt"
- "Distance make the heart grow fonder"
What I have noticed in practice is that, initially you do miss a person, but with time, you learn to live on your own and there comes a time when you actually prefer it!
Once the person is back, you resent not being able to 'do your thing'
On the other end, the more you get to know a person, the more you are able to appreciate them, quite the opposite of contempt!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Does your car conform to the standard?
Check out the degree to which your car conforms to or deviates from the typical Indian car -
Q1. Does it have something hanging from the rear-view mirror?
If you running out of ideas, popular candidates are, teddies, bunnies, CDs, toys, beads/garlands, air freshner - particularly the leaf pattern, Chinese Feng Shui stuff, flowers - both fresh and artificial, piece of cloth (especially the holy ones), crystal...
Q2. Does it have a box of tissues?
Ideally an ornamental box sitting in the back.
Q3. Does it have God or some other 'holy stuff' sitting in the middle of the front deck/dashboard?
Plently of choices here too, could be an idol, a cross, you get the picture I am sure. If you want to go beyond the ordinary, you could offer flowers, agarbattis and what not.
Q4. Does it have an air freshner bottle on the front left?
Minor deviations are possible on the position and type.
Q1. Does it have something hanging from the rear-view mirror?
If you running out of ideas, popular candidates are, teddies, bunnies, CDs, toys, beads/garlands, air freshner - particularly the leaf pattern, Chinese Feng Shui stuff, flowers - both fresh and artificial, piece of cloth (especially the holy ones), crystal...
Q2. Does it have a box of tissues?
Ideally an ornamental box sitting in the back.
Q3. Does it have God or some other 'holy stuff' sitting in the middle of the front deck/dashboard?
Plently of choices here too, could be an idol, a cross, you get the picture I am sure. If you want to go beyond the ordinary, you could offer flowers, agarbattis and what not.
Q4. Does it have an air freshner bottle on the front left?
Minor deviations are possible on the position and type.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Good Cop, Bad Cop
No I am not talking about the movie. I am talking about managers.
I had noticed some absolutely wonderful managers having totally terrible managers report to them. I often wondered why do these seemingly perfect managers hire/tolerate these horrible managers, can't they train them to be better? be more sensitive? can't they get rid of them in the very least before they lose the whole team?
It suddenly occurs to me that maybe there is a purpose to it?
Is it possible that the reason is as simple as - 'Good managers don't want to (either consciously or otherwise) get rid of the 'Bad managers. Could it be that they are - knowingly or unknowingly playing Good cop, Bad cop with the team. One relentlessly pushes the team and makes them work by coercion and the other being the popular one make them work due to a personal rapport. Is it possible that the 'Good' manager is actually keeping the 'Bad' manager to do his dirty job.
I had noticed some absolutely wonderful managers having totally terrible managers report to them. I often wondered why do these seemingly perfect managers hire/tolerate these horrible managers, can't they train them to be better? be more sensitive? can't they get rid of them in the very least before they lose the whole team?
It suddenly occurs to me that maybe there is a purpose to it?
Is it possible that the reason is as simple as - 'Good managers don't want to (either consciously or otherwise) get rid of the 'Bad managers. Could it be that they are - knowingly or unknowingly playing Good cop, Bad cop with the team. One relentlessly pushes the team and makes them work by coercion and the other being the popular one make them work due to a personal rapport. Is it possible that the 'Good' manager is actually keeping the 'Bad' manager to do his dirty job.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Strangers : Therapy - II
Striking a conversation with strangers is never easy. It feels kind of odd, you never know how the other person is taking it, then of course there is the issue of invading someone Else's space, privacy, zone. Any attempts to conversation run the risk of being blown off in no time.
And yet, once is a while comes a stranger who you can talk to you. The complex shortlisting of "The Stranger" is an unexplained phenomena, an obscure inexact science (or is it an art?). Part I guess is the instincts figuring out in the sub conscious that a person is 'your type'. the other of course is the body language, the moods, state of mind, circumstances, life situation, etc. Once you talk, you get a glimpse into the other person which at times compels you to dig deeper.
A stranger, bright enough to understand, a good conversationalist, attentive and appreciative of what you say - and most critically if you can trust the person - A deep long conversation with such a person can be an healing experience - an amazing form of Therapy. With such a rare person, you can talk and be your true self - without the fear of being judged, better still, figure out what is your true self, that which has been tarnished by the constant grease paint and role play in life, roles and relationships.
Its not that we can't talk to people who we love, admire and are close to, our friends, family, role models. Of course we do talk to them, have deep meaningful conversations with them, learn, relax and grow in the process. However with all relationships, there is an inherent sense of expectation, not so much as to do something or live up to something - but more like a mental map of yourself in the other person's mind and usually you end you reinforcing that image and etching it deeper. The image is not bad per say but can be stifling when you want to explore other facets of self. You don't how the other person will react if they see something that they are not accustomed to, hear something that they don't associate with you, experience something about you which was never a part of the possibilities in their opinion. The reaction can range from a wow!, to a disappointment or a sense of let down! You can't always risk it.
Enter the stranger - there is no prior association. There are no expectations to fulfill, no roles to play, no images to sustain, no fear of disapproval, no sense of duty. You can simply bounce ideas without the fear of sticking it in. You end up vocalizing some of your innermost thoughts and feelings, frequently surprising your yourself in the process. Oftentimes, the surprise is due to the fact that the thoughts had been hidden even from your own self and you never realized they existed!
Over a period of time, as you interact, the stranger fades away away and you gain a friend and ...
And yet, once is a while comes a stranger who you can talk to you. The complex shortlisting of "The Stranger" is an unexplained phenomena, an obscure inexact science (or is it an art?). Part I guess is the instincts figuring out in the sub conscious that a person is 'your type'. the other of course is the body language, the moods, state of mind, circumstances, life situation, etc. Once you talk, you get a glimpse into the other person which at times compels you to dig deeper.
A stranger, bright enough to understand, a good conversationalist, attentive and appreciative of what you say - and most critically if you can trust the person - A deep long conversation with such a person can be an healing experience - an amazing form of Therapy. With such a rare person, you can talk and be your true self - without the fear of being judged, better still, figure out what is your true self, that which has been tarnished by the constant grease paint and role play in life, roles and relationships.
Its not that we can't talk to people who we love, admire and are close to, our friends, family, role models. Of course we do talk to them, have deep meaningful conversations with them, learn, relax and grow in the process. However with all relationships, there is an inherent sense of expectation, not so much as to do something or live up to something - but more like a mental map of yourself in the other person's mind and usually you end you reinforcing that image and etching it deeper. The image is not bad per say but can be stifling when you want to explore other facets of self. You don't how the other person will react if they see something that they are not accustomed to, hear something that they don't associate with you, experience something about you which was never a part of the possibilities in their opinion. The reaction can range from a wow!, to a disappointment or a sense of let down! You can't always risk it.
Enter the stranger - there is no prior association. There are no expectations to fulfill, no roles to play, no images to sustain, no fear of disapproval, no sense of duty. You can simply bounce ideas without the fear of sticking it in. You end up vocalizing some of your innermost thoughts and feelings, frequently surprising your yourself in the process. Oftentimes, the surprise is due to the fact that the thoughts had been hidden even from your own self and you never realized they existed!
Over a period of time, as you interact, the stranger fades away away and you gain a friend and ...
Gossip : Therapy - I
As a part of a recent training, the instructor was pointing about the importance of being loyal - specially to a person when he/she is not around. This essentially boils down to 'Not Gossiping'. During the course of the ensuing discussion, a very bright person mentioned that 'Gossiping was Therapeutic' - felt that it is relaxing to talk about what's going on (or not going on) between Abhishek Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai .. so on and so forth.
The statement stuck me a blasphemous to begin with, I was shocked, after all how can you make a statement like that! Yet, is there some merit in this? Is gossip really a therapy? If not, why is so widespread? Most of the popular printed matter would fall in this category, TV? why yes.
Gossip can be very damaging to a relationship, it is unhealthy, its sick, there are no arguments there - we all know it, but why it is so rampant?
- To begin with, most people gossip about someone unconnected like the 'stars'. Its a low risk topic to bond/talk with friends/acquaintances/colleagues/strangers - low risk in the sense that its a third person we are talking about, neither you nor me! Especially so if the third person is so remote or unconnected to our daily lives like the movie stars.
- If I 'gossip' I don't have to 'expose' my real self. I can continue with this artificial talk and yet have no (real) conversation at the end of it.
- To talk about the short-comings of others gives a (short-lived and false) sense of high by comparison. Oh the virtuous me! - I would never do such a things ... kind of feeling.
- Can't be held accountable for what is said - after all its gossip! Someone told me .. I read somewhere .. I found out .. inevitably it is something you can not trace.
- Makes the person with the gossip feel better cooler ... I know something that you don't.
- Living a life by proxy, a vicarious experience of the forbidden or all that is aspirational. What we can't do, want to do, we talk about through others who have done it or can do it.
- Above all, gossip is a 'Total Time-Pass'. You can sit and idle our the time without too much effort on your grey cells
The statement stuck me a blasphemous to begin with, I was shocked, after all how can you make a statement like that! Yet, is there some merit in this? Is gossip really a therapy? If not, why is so widespread? Most of the popular printed matter would fall in this category, TV? why yes.
Gossip can be very damaging to a relationship, it is unhealthy, its sick, there are no arguments there - we all know it, but why it is so rampant?
- To begin with, most people gossip about someone unconnected like the 'stars'. Its a low risk topic to bond/talk with friends/acquaintances/colleagues/strangers - low risk in the sense that its a third person we are talking about, neither you nor me! Especially so if the third person is so remote or unconnected to our daily lives like the movie stars.
- If I 'gossip' I don't have to 'expose' my real self. I can continue with this artificial talk and yet have no (real) conversation at the end of it.
- To talk about the short-comings of others gives a (short-lived and false) sense of high by comparison. Oh the virtuous me! - I would never do such a things ... kind of feeling.
- Can't be held accountable for what is said - after all its gossip! Someone told me .. I read somewhere .. I found out .. inevitably it is something you can not trace.
- Makes the person with the gossip feel better cooler ... I know something that you don't.
- Living a life by proxy, a vicarious experience of the forbidden or all that is aspirational. What we can't do, want to do, we talk about through others who have done it or can do it.
- Above all, gossip is a 'Total Time-Pass'. You can sit and idle our the time without too much effort on your grey cells
Monday, October 09, 2006
Mooving with the times
Is it a coincidence? Is is by choice? Is it by expectations? Is it by nurturing? Is it how it is?
... that in the Moov ad,
When the husband is shown to be having a back pain, the wife is depicted giving him a nice rub.
When the wife is tossing and turning with a back pain, the husband is sleeping peacefully. The wife gets up, puts on Moov and goes back to sleep. It occurs neither to the wife to wake up the husband nor to the husband to help the wife!
Isn't it time that we move ahead. It is true that at times we depict the way things are, but it is also true what we depicts goes into feeding the way it should be.
Time to move on ...
... that in the Moov ad,
When the husband is shown to be having a back pain, the wife is depicted giving him a nice rub.
When the wife is tossing and turning with a back pain, the husband is sleeping peacefully. The wife gets up, puts on Moov and goes back to sleep. It occurs neither to the wife to wake up the husband nor to the husband to help the wife!
Isn't it time that we move ahead. It is true that at times we depict the way things are, but it is also true what we depicts goes into feeding the way it should be.
Time to move on ...
Friday, October 06, 2006
Words and Characters
Words reveal a lot about a person, the written words even more so.
In this age of the email communications, I guess its got more to do with characters than words. So very literally each character you use (or skip), ends up reflecting your own character :)
What I have observed that people who tend to use acronyms (FYI, BTW, TC, CU, v.good, :) etc. )extensively are more likely to be of the 'Minimalistic' types as opposed to the 'Elaborate' kinds who tend to write full bodied mails.
In this age of the email communications, I guess its got more to do with characters than words. So very literally each character you use (or skip), ends up reflecting your own character :)
What I have observed that people who tend to use acronyms (FYI, BTW, TC, CU, v.good, :) etc. )extensively are more likely to be of the 'Minimalistic' types as opposed to the 'Elaborate' kinds who tend to write full bodied mails.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Relationships..
In a relationship :
You have authority when you can demand someone do something for you. Authority could be due to your position, control, circumstances, anything.
Trust is when you can ask and you know that the person would most certainly comply as long as it is possible and reasonable
Request is when things are tentative; trust is building up but not at the stage where you inherently know that the persons would probably do your bidding, but then could as likely be proven wrong, or the manner in which the stuff is done would ensure that you don’t ask again.
The relationship could be at different stages for different stuff between the same two people -
(Most) wives can -
- demand that the husbands do all the driving,
- trust the husbands to take care of them
- request that husbands cook at times
You have authority when you can demand someone do something for you. Authority could be due to your position, control, circumstances, anything.
Trust is when you can ask and you know that the person would most certainly comply as long as it is possible and reasonable
Request is when things are tentative; trust is building up but not at the stage where you inherently know that the persons would probably do your bidding, but then could as likely be proven wrong, or the manner in which the stuff is done would ensure that you don’t ask again.
The relationship could be at different stages for different stuff between the same two people -
(Most) wives can -
- demand that the husbands do all the driving,
- trust the husbands to take care of them
- request that husbands cook at times
Sunday, October 01, 2006
1986
The year was 1986; I was in my 10th grade and we had a chapter in history about Max Muller, Aryans and the origin or languages. It impressed me greatly to think that all the languages might probably have a single origin and someone had painstakingly researched it. Was is a coincidence that most languages have a similar sounding word for 'Mother', Mata, Mather ...? It fascinated me for all these years as how different people, far of places are all tied by some ancient history of the spoken words. I would consciously or otherwise try to find similarity in words of different languages and feel ecstatic each time I was successful.
Today after 20+ years of letting the thought languor in the backyards of my mind, I decided to study it further. As always, I googled - 'Max Muller origin of languages'
I wasn't prepared for what I got. From the little I read and researched, I can't seem to hold Max Muller in very high regards anymore.
Today after 20+ years of letting the thought languor in the backyards of my mind, I decided to study it further. As always, I googled - 'Max Muller origin of languages'
I wasn't prepared for what I got. From the little I read and researched, I can't seem to hold Max Muller in very high regards anymore.
I finally figured it out ..
Figured out the difference.
I have come to believe that predominantly there are two types of people and by extension work places. The first kind are those that are organized, hard working, disciplined, planned and taking work and everything seriously. In the MBTI lingo they might be frames as the 'J' Types. The other are the starkly differently 'P' types, the seemingly chaotic, disorganized, go-with-the-flow types, working at odd-times, having no predictable schedule or delivery and yet, they are often the very brightest and driven by passion for what they are doing.
I guess it is no coincidences that creative companies have more of the latter types. Companies (like my ex-company) that favor the 'P' type are more likely to come up with the next-big-idea - something so totally cool. And yet terrible though it may sound, it is the 'J' type companies that seem to have the discipline to be able to monetize an idea, irrespective of whether the idea what theirs or not in the first place. They are planned and disciplined enough to take the idea to fruitation, predictable enough for the customers to be able to trust them.
The 'P' types are more likely to discover and start to the new place, however, on the way, they are distracted by tons of stuff and often the 'J' types overtake them and beat them to it.
This is the single biggest difference I have seen in my last two companies, one is inherently 'cooler' and the other more 'profitable'
I have come to believe that predominantly there are two types of people and by extension work places. The first kind are those that are organized, hard working, disciplined, planned and taking work and everything seriously. In the MBTI lingo they might be frames as the 'J' Types. The other are the starkly differently 'P' types, the seemingly chaotic, disorganized, go-with-the-flow types, working at odd-times, having no predictable schedule or delivery and yet, they are often the very brightest and driven by passion for what they are doing.
I guess it is no coincidences that creative companies have more of the latter types. Companies (like my ex-company) that favor the 'P' type are more likely to come up with the next-big-idea - something so totally cool. And yet terrible though it may sound, it is the 'J' type companies that seem to have the discipline to be able to monetize an idea, irrespective of whether the idea what theirs or not in the first place. They are planned and disciplined enough to take the idea to fruitation, predictable enough for the customers to be able to trust them.
The 'P' types are more likely to discover and start to the new place, however, on the way, they are distracted by tons of stuff and often the 'J' types overtake them and beat them to it.
This is the single biggest difference I have seen in my last two companies, one is inherently 'cooler' and the other more 'profitable'
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